Chaos - A Harry Potter story

Chapter 5

Chaos

Chapter 5

Harry was relaxing in the Hufflepuff common room, Crystal had her head rested on his shoulder and they were both reading the same book. Well, Crystal was reading while Harry just enjoyed her company.He couldn't believe how brilliant everything was, his godfather was free and here he was with the love of his life, doing something as plain and simple as reading. It was a shame that Dumbledore saved Snape from the charges, ah well, at least he could still torment the man. He had never been so happy, which made him narrow his eyes, him having fun meant that something bad was going to happen. That was how life worked, it was how JK Rowling worked and he had no doubt that PotterHeadFirebolt would work the same way."Crystal" Susan and Hannah ran into the common room"What's up guys?" Crystal asked"Dumbledore wants to see you in his office" Susan said"Oh" Crystal looked royally put out at the fact her cuddle time was cut short "I'll be back later Harry" She said as she followed the girls outside. Harry stood up and glared upwards."CURSE YOU POTTERHEADFIREBOLT!" He shouted as loud as possible "Curse you! You stupid *! Oh...censoring me now are you?! You have stooped! Well *** you twice. You and your stupid stories with your stupid spelling mistokes! You had better make this up to me! Yes...you are making this up to me! And you'll do it by..." Harry stopped to think about what he wanted, his eyes lit up as an idea hit his brain "I want to get rid of Umbridge this chapter. Let's face it, you don't like her, I don't like her and quite frankly, neither of us can be bothered to deal with her. Deal?" The window let in a bright ray of sunshine. "I'll take that as a yes then""Ah hello Miss Peters" Dumbledore greeted Crystal as she entered his office and sat down next in the empty chair."Uh...hello Professor" She said nervously, Harry had advised her against trusting the professor. In fact he went as far as to sneak into her room and put a picture of him next to her bed with the words 'don't trust' on it, she got rid of it but that was not the point. "Have I done something wrong?""No, of course not" Dumbledore smiled at her as his eyes twinkled "I simply wish to discuss an important matter with you.""What matter sir?""You're relationship with Mr Potter" Dumbledore said as Crystal tensed a little bit "am I to understand that you're his girlfriend""Uh...yes sir""May I ask what you see in Mr Potter?""Well" Crystal brushed "he's handsome...and nice...and kind. And...he goes out of his way to do nice things for me and he's funny and...I'm babbling, aren't I?""A little" Dumbledore chuckled, but it was time to put this conversation to bed "Miss Peters, you are aware that I am aware that you're a siren?""I am...aware" She said nervously "that you are aware...that I am a siren. And now you're aware...that I'm aware...that you're aware...that I'm aware that...I'll just shut up now."Have you siren bonded with Harry?""Yes...yes I have.""Now I'd like to remind you that young Harry is an important person and people will have concerns about your relationship""But I care about him!" Crystal spoke passionately "I really do care about him!""I care about you too" Harry's voice echoed throughout the room"Harry?" Crystal asked as she looked around."Yeah?" His voice said, she looked left and nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw Harry sitting in a chair next to her"Harry?!" Dumbledore blurted out in shock"Oh, hi Gandalf" Harry waved at him before turning his attention back to Crystal "you were about to say how much you cared about me?""What are you doing here?" Dumbledore interrupted before Crystal could respond"Waiting for my beautiful girlfriend to keep saying wonderful things about me" Harry said as he absentmindedly picked up a lemon drop frim Dumbledore's bowl"Mr Potter, those are my lemon...""Handsome eh?" Harry grinned at a blushing Crystal, he took her hand in his, her inner siren felt a lot more calmer"Well...you are" She said as she forced herself to look at him, she had a small smile on her face"Not as handsome as you are beautiful" He replied, her smile got bigger and Harry was sure that her beauty could probably cause at least five blind people to see and cause world peace."Mr Potter" Dumbledore said but Harry didn't respond as he was too busy looking at Crystal "Mr Potter? Mr Potter? Mr Potter? Mr Potter? Mr Potter? Mr Potter? Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! Mr Potter?! MR POTTER?! MR POTTER?! I'm speaking to you! Mr Potter?! Hello! Can you hear me?! MR POTTER?!""Uh...Harry" Crystal spoke quietly"Yeah?" Harry immediately responded, much to the annoyance of Dumbledore"The headmaster wants you" Crystal pointed at Dumbledore"Tough shit for him, I'm your boyfriend" Harry smiled at her"No...I think he wants to talk to you""Fine" Harry sighed and turned to Dumbledore "I'm flattered sir but I'm not into dudes and you are not nearly handsome enough to make me question my own sexuality""Mr Potter, how did you get in my office?""Well, when a beautiful lady wishes for me enough I magically appear" He nudged Crystal"Mr Potter will you please stop flirting with Miss Peters?""NEVER!""And just listen to me for a second" Dumbledore continued "now, it may have escaped your notice but Miss Peters is a siren. Do you know what that means?""I won't have need for a harem when I'm older because she will more than make up for it"? Harry guessed"No""I'll have to learn to start speaking fish?""No""I'm with the best looking girl in school?""No""Now hang on a bloody minute! I am with the best looking girl in school and how dare you say otherwise?!""Mr Potter, that is not what I meant" Dumbledore sighed "as a siren, Miss Peters has a special bond with you and...""Let me cut you off right there Dumbass" Harry cut him off"Dumbledore" Dumbledore corrected him"Dumbass" Harry continued speaking "I know all about the siren bond and all that. I've done extensive research and I know all about sirens, if she doesn't stay close by me then she'll suffer and die and I'm never letting that happen""Now Mr Potter, I really think that...you should stop eating my lemon drops" He said as Harry took the entire bowl "Mr Potter, those are mine!""No, they're mine" Harry said"No, they're mine" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" 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Dumbledore said"No, they're mine!" Harry said"No, they're mine!" Dumbledore said"No, they're yours!" Harry shouted"No, they are your lemon drops Mr Potter!""Are you deaf?! I said that they are your lemon drops!""For the last time Mr Potter, these are your lemon drops!" Dumbledore shouted back "If I hear you backchat me one more time then I will put you in detention!""Fine!" Harry shot to his feet and grabbed Crystal before storming out angrily with both the lemon drops and the girl."Hmm" Dumbledore sighed "glad to see he knows that I...wait...son of a bitch!" Dumbledore leapt to his feet and ran after them but, to his shock and horror, he found that they were gone. It was at that precise moment that Albus Dumbledore, defeater of dark lords, fell to his knees and let out a cry. "That...was...my last packet" He sobbed. It never occurred to him that he could simply just go out and buy another packet, he was too busy, busy dealing with his broken heart."Have you done your homework?" Crystal asked Harry as they were in the library"No, I was too busy looking at you" Harry smiled at her"Would you be serious for one moment?" She asked with an amused look on her face"I didn't know you were into older men" He said as he waved his wand and made himself look like Sirius Black"Not funny" She said, tempted to slap him on the back of the head, but her siren bond wouldn't like that"Maybe I'm out of practise" Harry turned back into himself "I blame you for this""Blame me?" She blurted out in surprise"Yes, I have a set amount of chaos to produce every chapter...""Chapter?" She raised an eyebrow"And you're putting me off with your angelic looks and heavenly smell and loveable laughter. Darn you and your perfection! You just have to look so pretty with all that damn makeup""I'm not wearing make up" Crystal pointed out"Damn, you are beautiful" Harry looked at her as if it was the first time"Thank you" She smiled proudly"I need something...I need something to help cause chaos. The audience expects it""Audience? What are you on about?""The fourth wall darling, I'm breaking it, it's rather fun to do so. As of the moment I'm destroying it so bad that it's calling out for it's mother. Now, what do I need to get the ball rolling? Hmm, preferably an idiot or two. Yes, I need an idiot, any type of idiot""Hey, Harry" Ron walked up to him with Hermione Granger"Oh, the worse kind" Harry commented as they came over"Alright Harry? Up for a game of chess?" Ron offered"I'm up for a game with someone's chest but they haven't quite developed yet" Harry looked at Crystal as if she had intentionally not grown yet. Unsurprisingly the joke flew so far above Ron's head it nearly collided with a plane. "Oi Crystal, do you want to go for a walk and a picnic?" Harry asked"I'd love to" She smiled"Awesome" Harry grinned"Have you done your homework yet?" Hermione asked"I have" Crystal said proudly"Nah" Harry shook his head "too busy staring at her" He stuck a thumb at Crystal"But it's due in tomorrow at ten!" Hermione said as if he had just forgotten how to make the cure to cancer"I find half past nine to be a very productive time to do homework" Harry calmly replied"You can't leave it to the last minute!" Hermione told him off"I know, which is why I'm leaving it until the last thirty minutes" Harry smirked proudly as if he had just come up with the cure to cancer "see, smarter than I look""It's irresponsible of you to leave it until tomorrow" Hermione continued "homework is important and needs to be done on time""It's homework, not a woman" Harry objected"Huh?" Ron said"I get it!" Crystal proudly smiled"Of course you did" Harry kissed her on the forehead which sent shivers up her entire body "that's because you're a smart girl, smartest in the school""Excuse me, I'm the smartest in the school" Hermione said"I doubt that" Harry said"Fine, I'll prove it to you. Ask me any question" She challenged him"Fine" Harry stood up, Crystal took that as her que to do the same "How do you lift an elephant with one hand and no magic?" He left as he could see the cogs grinding in that girls head"How do you lift an elephant with one hand and no magic?" Crystal asked once they were far enough away"I'd start with finding an elephant that only has one hand" Harry smirked "that'll keep her distracted for a while""Harry" Ron clearly didn't take the hint and followed after him "sorry about Hermione, she can be right annoying""Yeah, she can" Crystal nodded in agreement"Harry, why are you hanging out with her?" Ron gestured to Crystal, once her allure develops she would be the most sought after girl in school but as of the moment she was just another girl"Because she fills my heart with joy the same way one of your silent but deadly farts would fill Snape's potion class" Harry answered with a straight face, causing both Crystal and Ron to blush, both for different reasons."Well...surely there are other people you could hang out with" Ron said, hoping Harry would take the hint and hang out with him"Well, let's run through the list of people I know" Harry said "Draco Malfoy is a twat and I just don't like him. Crabbe and Goyle have the combined intellectual compacity of a deranged mule child, without someone telling them what to do they'd be more confused than a homeless person under house arrest. Pansy Parkinson is like a magnet""How so?" Crystal asked"Attractive from the back, repulsive from the front" Harry answered "Millicent doesn't seem to like me, may or may not have something to do with the fact that I nearly cost her hair with a stray spell but who could say for sure. Let's move on to Ravenclaw, I don't remember any of them apart from that one girl who had a twin in Gryffindor. Already have plenty of friends in Hufflepuff, as for Gryffindor...""Yeah?" Ron nodded excitedly"Dean Thomas may want to discuss football with me and I hate football. I am not being friends with Seamus Finnegan because I am absolutely CONVINCED that he is after me lucky charms!""What lucky charms?" Crystal asked"I can't say" Harry said with so much seriousness in his voice that Sirius at his most serious serious moment would never seriously be as serious as him "he might find out" He added in a whisper, looking around to see if he could see anyone listening in. It didn't help that he saw someone move in the shadows a little way down the hall."What about any other Gryffindor's?" Ron pushed him on"Hmm, you're right" Harry smiled "Neville!" He shouted "That guy is so interesting!""Neville?!" Ron blurted out in disbelief "Neville?! NEVILLE?!""Yes, he's the best!" Harry smiled "I'll go talk to him later, but for now, picnic!" He grabbed Crystal and lead her away"Neville?!" Ron repeated "Neville?! NEVILLE?!""Yeah?" Neville appeared beside him"NEVILLE!" Ron shouted at him before storming off"What did I do?" A confused and slightly terrified Neville asked"Oh, goodness me I am tired" Madam Hooch sighed as she plopped down into the staff room"What's wrong with you?" Flitwick asked"I had to cover another detention with Mr Potter because McGonagall and Snape couldn't do it" She rubbed her eyes "I had to have him write 'Seamus Finnegan is not after me lucky charms' fifty times. Just the last week I had to make him write 'I will not draw dark marks on sleeping students', the week before that I had to have him write 'I will not ask professor Snape if today's potion could be used as a sexual lubricant'. Professor Snape and McGonagall have had him write many different lines throughout the weeks""Like what?" Flitwick asked"So many things. I actually have a list of things we've had him write since he's come to Hogwarts'