Chaos - A Harry Potter story

Chapter 6

Chaos

Chapter 6

"Excuse me," McGonagall said to Crystal "Have you seen Mr Potter?" She asked "Harry?" Crystal asked, before adopting a thinking expression "Um, about ten minutes ago, in our common room. Last I checked he said he had something important to do and he'd be right back" "Did he say what?" McGonagall asked with a feeling of dread "Not really" Crystal shrugged "You'll never catch me, Potter!" Came the voice of Seamus Finnegan as he ran past them at an incredible speed with Harry chasing after him "OI!" Harry shouted, "THEM'S ME LUCKY CHARMS YOU FUCKING WANKER!" "Found him" Crystal pointed in the direction Harry was running "Thank you," McGonagall said dryly "You're welcome" Crystal beamed before skipping away"Sweet Merlin, he's corrupted her" McGonagall shivered "Oh, hi Professor Riddle," Harry said as he ran past Quirrell "W...what?!" Quirrell shouted, "I said 'Hi Professor Quirrell'!" Harry shouted as he continued running away "Seamus, I will kneecap you!" "You'll never get me!" Seamus shouted back "If I find my rabbit's foot is missing then expect my own foot to make its way up your..." 

"Mr Potter" Dumbledore said as he sat at his desk in his office, Severus Snape stood on his right side and Minerva McGonagall stood on his left. On the other side of the desk, Harry sat with a very innocent look as he smiled at the three "We are here to discuss your behavior" "Really? Why? There are far more interesting things to discuss" Harry said "For example did you know that the Peregrine Falcon is in fact the fastest animal in the world, at least in the muggle world. I don't actually know what the fastest magical animal is, do you?" "Hmm, actually I do not" Dumbledore responded "On one hand you could say Phoenixes as they just flame travel to wherever they want but I assume you are referring more to fast as in physically running or flying, in that case, I would have to say..." "Albus, enough, I don't care about your blasted birds!" Snape interrupted "Ah, sorry" Dumbledore smiled sheepishly before turning back to Harry "Now Harry, we need to discuss your behavior. I have a list of lines that I'm told you had to write" "Oh really?" Harry asked "Yes" Dumbledore pulled out a long list and began reading them "We would've done this last week but then that incident happened and you had to quickly leave my office" "What incident?" Harry asked "The one with my beard!" Dumbledore glared at him just as Harry went into flashback "Ah, Harry" Dumbledore said as Harry entered his office, Snape was on his right and McGonagall stood on his left, as usual. "I need to discuss your behavior with you" "Okay, by the way, sir, I hate to ask but your beard is really long, it must be fake, right?" Harry asked "I assure you" Dumbledore leaned back and placed his arm protectively around his beard "It is quite real," He said, remembering the last time Harry Potter had got near his beard. "If you're sure" Harry shrugged "I am" "Are you?" "Yes" "Very?" "Very what?" "Very sure?" "Yes, yes I am" "How sure?" "As sure as can be" "As sure as shurly the shurry shore whore who is quite sure?" "I do not know who that is but my beard is real" "Are you a hundred percent sure?" "Yes" "Two hundred percent?" "Yes" "Are you positive?" "Yes, I..." "Are you negative?" "No, I believe that..." "Oh for Merlin's sake!" McGonagall interrupted "Can we just get on with this?""Sure" Harry smirked "Ooh, lemon drop" He reached out and took one of Dumbledore's lemon drops"Now Harry" Dumbledore started"Ooh lemon drop," Harry said again as he took another lemon drop"Harry, I..." "Ooh lemon drop" "You're eating them quite fast" Dumbledore noted "Now Harry I..." "Ooh lemon drop," Harry said again"Damn, they are quite tempting" Dumbledore admitted "but we really must.." "Ooh lemon drop," Harry said again "Enough of this!" Snape snapped and vanished the lemons with his wand "You..." Harry's lips trembled "Evil bastard!" He said before slamming his head on the desk, from the looks of it he was crying "Severus!" Dumbledore admonished before he leaned over the desk and patted Harry on the shoulder "There, there Harry. I understand I'm quite upset too" "AHA!" Harry grabbed Dumbledore's beard and started pulling, looking at Dumbledore with a maniacal grin "OH SHIT!" Dumbledore cursed as Snape and McGonagall tried pulling him away "I knew it was fake!" Harry shouted as he kept pulling  "Harry! Harry stop that hurts!""Nearly there! YAAARGGHH!" "OWWWWW!" "Hmm," Harry said after the end of his flashback "I don't recall" "Anyway" Dumbledore glared at Harry for a little bit longer before reading the list "here are some of the things that you've had to write for lines in detention: "I will not test if Malfoy's hair gel is inflammable" "That was me checking out a potential danger" Harry pointed out "I will not bungee jump off the Astronomy tower" Dumbledore continued "Is there a better place to bungee jump off?" Harry asked "I will not try to get a pet acromantula from the forbidden forest" "But Lee Jordan has a spider" Harry pointed out "His spider can't eat people" Snape replied "We live in a world where shrinking potions are a thing" Harry argued "let's not dismiss things that are unlikely to happen" "I will not steal Mrs Norris from Mr Filch" Dumbledore continued reading "I was freeing her if anything" Harry replied "I will not lock Professor McGonagall and Mrs Norris in a room to promote lesbian relationships" "Oh come on, the chemistry was there, how is encouraging romance a crime?" Harry said, meanwhile McGonagall appeared to be trying to destroy him with her glare. "I will not tell spend a whole day missing class because a lion died" "A lion?! A lion?! He was no mere lion, thank you very much! MUFASA WAS A KING!" Harry roared "Poor Simba" He added after wiping a tear "stupid scar and his stupid face and his stupid on the nose, or in his case face, name." "Uh...yes, anyway, moving on. Another line you've had to write was 'I will not add Bueller to Professor Binns's roster.' You've also had to write 'I will stop doing cartwheels and flips while running around the castle and shouting 'Parkour' after every few seconds'". "What am I supposed to shout then?" Harry asked, " "He means don't do it at all, you brat!" Snape snapped "You love me really" Harry winked and grinned at him, causing the man to glare at him hard enough to make most people feel like death was approaching. "Continuing" McGonagall frowned at the both of them before reading the next line on the list "'I will not add yardsticks to the top of Ravenclaw tower,' why did you do that?" "Oh, a Gryffindor annoyed me so I thought I'd annoy them by helping Ravenclaw have a bigger tower, as of this moment Ravenclaw beats your tower by at least two yards" "Fine then Potter, why did you have to write 'I will not charge at students whilst on a unicorn?'" Snape asked "Because...I charged at students whilst on a unicorn" Harry said "I would've thought that that would've been self-explanatory" "Don't take that attitude with me boy" "Continuing" Dumbledore frowned "You've also had to write 'I will not trick Crabbe and Goyle into giving into giving Malfoy and Ron black eyes" "Now hold on, I did not do that" Harry objected "I merely told Goyle that I heard rumors that Crabbe punched harder, he disagreed and I challenged him to punch the first person he saw, who happened to be Malfoy. Crabbe felt a bit left out so he went and punched Ron" "I will not punch people because they place toilet rolls under instead of over" "I can't think of a greater crime than that" Harry shrugged"I will not hex people for putting the milk in before the cereal" "Scratch that, that is the biggest crime I can think of" Harry said "milk before the cereal, bloody barbarians" "That was not a good enough reason to hex people" McGonagall scolded "Than what is?!" Harry spoke in a way that lead you to believe he was questioning the existence of everything "I can't think of a greater crime than that!" "Not even torture?" Snape raised an eyebrow"If I may continue" Dumbledore said "Ah yes, here is a lovely line that says 'I will not steal the headmaster's lemon drops' "I'm sorry are these yours?" Harry asked as he popped some lemon drops into his mouth after taking them from a bowl in his hand "Yes...those...are mine" Dumbledore said, trying to reign in his anger "Whoops, sorry" Harry placed the bowl down "Quite alright" Dumbledore sighed "I think it's best if I just read the rest out loud, now please don't interrupt. Here we are: 'I will not instigate revolutions...again'