The Day After

Chapter VI

"Jason killed a man... and Lex Luthor knows he's your son."

She couldn't look at him for a moment, and when Superman didn't say anything, she forced herself to look into his eyes, and immediately wished that she hadn't when she saw his tearful eyes. He was looking at her with a mixture of confusion, disbelief, despair, anger and guilt that just tore her apart. She could see tears clouding his piercing blue eyes. She felt as if she had stabbed him herself, and she couldn't remember ever having felt something so horrible.

But he still wouldn't say a word, and it unnerved her. "Superman...?" she asked tentatively, trying to get a reaction out of him, but her words fell on deaf ears. He was in his own world, surrounded by all these conflicting emotions that were probably slowly driving him to the brink of insanity. "Clark?" she whispered. Scream at me, cry your eyes out, punch something, anything! Just do something other than just stare at me!

Nothing. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him, gently at first, then rougher when he didn't react. She bit back a scream of frustration, seriously considering smacking him in the face even though he probably wouldn't even feel it. It would probably break her hand, too, but she didn't care right now. "Snap out of it!" She stared at him angrily, but this quickly dissolved into more tears. "Please, say something!"

Cold. That was all he could feel. A terrible chill had taken over his body, and no amount of sunlight could end it. He couldn't remember ever feeling so cold, not even during the frantic drive to the hospital. This was the kind of cold that ran below the skin, somewhere inside his being, so terribly cold that it threatened to shatter his very soul to pieces. He barely acknowledged his heart beating so fast that he thought it would burst, and he scarcely noticed hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He wiped at them with shaking hands, wondering how they could feel so warm when he felt so cold inside.

Her words kept echoing inside his head, louder and louder until he thought he would go mad. Jason killed a man and Lex Luthor knows he's your son. That one sentence had turned his world upside down. Luthor knew who Jason's real father was and he could use this knowledge to his advantage. He felt pain for his son, who was so young and had so much to live for, and yet, Jason would have to carry the burden of taking a life for the rest of his days. He felt anger at himself for allowing this to happen. He was the one who left for five years and didn't teach his own son to control his powers. And guilt... a terrible guilt because he felt as if he had killed this man himself.

I'm a bad father. That was his first coherent thought in the sea of so many raging thoughts and emotions, and it made more tears come to his eyes. How could Lois want him back in their life? He didn't deserve her love. He didn't deserve Jason. He didn't deserve to live...

He heard a scream, then felt something strike his cheek, and realized after a moment that Lois had slapped him. It couldn't have come at a worse time. He stared at her for a long moment, shocked to the core, before bringing a hand to his cheek and rubbing it even though it didn't physically hurt him. Emotionally, it felt like he'd just had his heart ripped out of his chest, thrown to the ground and stomped on. He stared at her as his whole body quivered with emotion. Lois hates me... she hates me...

Lois was rubbing her hand and cursing under her breath, thankful she hadn't broken anything. Superman just sat there and stared at her as if she had just handed him his death sentence. She looked at him, and her face fell at the look on his face. You made Superman cry, you monster! "I'm sorry, but you were in shock!" He just rubbed his cheek, staring off into space, and looking utterly miserable. "Please, let me explain what happened!"

What was there to explain? He, Superman, was a murderer. It didn't matter if he never actually laid a hand on the man; his son was innocent and he was guilty. They were his powers, and as such, they were his responsibility. It was as simple as that. He felt Lois shaking him again, yelling at him to snap out of it, and he looked at her. "...You slapped me," he finally whispered, his voice breaking with emotion.