Rule and Ruin

fourteen; the shadow of shadows

chapter fourteen.

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THE STARS WERE running away from her.

The more she stared, the further and dimmer they got.

She sighed and felt the night wind graze her skin. A few days ago, she had found a way to the roof of the building they hid in. It wasn't a good view. The small building was surrounded by taller ones, so even in the nighttime, it was clouded by the shadows of shadows. And so there she sat, in the darkest corner of the city, where even the stars avoided.

She didn't mind it, though. She had gotten accustomed to the shadows, found a sense of amity with them as they cradled her.

"Rats," a voice sounded behind her. "You've discovered my hiding spot."

She flinched but did not turn to acknowledge his presence.

He settled into a seat next to her, keeping a few inches of space between them. He dangled his legs down the edge of the building and leaned back on his palms.

"What are you doing out here?" he inquired casually.

"To get away from you, Nicholas," she said his name with venom.

"You're going to have to try harder than that."

The building was so small he probably wouldn't even die if she pushed him off right then.

Somehow, he always seemed to be able to read her mind. He laughed, "Why are you so angry all the time?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. Your face says it all. Tell me a moment when murder isn't on your mind."

"Whenever I'm not around you."

"Fair enough," he nodded.

They sat in silence for a moment.

She was angry all the time. She hadn't even noticed how much this anger had started to weigh on her. It clawed at her from the inside out. It took all other emotions and held them captive, threatening a forced release that she wouldn't be able to control. She felt like she might burst any day now.

"You would be too," she said absently, "if your whole life was a lie."

He grew quiet and stared up at the stars.

"You don't have to tell me," he said. "I know."

His glassy eyes looked up past the sky, deep into the soul of the universe. The stars that once ran away seemed to lean in to listen to him.

"I used to be like you, you know?" he continued. "I know how you feel."

Do you?

"And I'm still angry. But instead of hiding that anger with fear, use it. Use it to remind yourself who you are and what you want. Use it to make him pay. That's what I do, anyway. He's going to lose."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"No, you don't. You've seen how he works," she rambled. "You know how ruthless he is when he wants something. He's not going to stop until he gets what he wants."

"Neither am I."

She shook her head, remembering all the ways Dino had controlled her over the years. "He's too powerful - "

"That was when you worked for him. When you picked up after him. When you practically wiped his ass for him. He doesn't have you anymore," Nix looked at her and suddenly the stars were in his eyes. "I do."

She stilled.

"Are you ever going to tell me what you want from the Mermaid Venue?" she asked, trying her best not to sound desperate.

She didn't even know what their end game was. In fact, besides the general break in plan, she knew next to nothing.

Maybe they were planning to sacrifice her. She figured if she was about to be betrayed for the second time in the span of two weeks, then she probably deserved it.

Nix thought about it. "Why do you want to know? If you give me a good enough reason, maybe I'll tell you."

Selene hated this game. Everything was a transaction to him. Everything came at a cost with him. She hated having to constantly prove herself to him.

But she so desperately wanted to know.

"I just wonder," she said slowly, "what could possibly make you switch loyalties so easily. For me it was my father. When I found out about...what happened, it completely changed my world. So I wonder what your anchor is. That's all."

Nix did not respond. She glanced over at him and admired the way those dark eyes swirled with contemplation.

"My sister," he said after a moment. "They have my sister."

Selene wasn't sure if she wanted to know anymore.

"She was only seven when they took her."

"You don't have to tell me," Selene said quietly.

Nix just blinked up at the sky. "She was seven and I was twelve. We had been living on the streets, nearly starving when they just showed up one night and snatched her away," he let out a choked laugh. "I hated myself for not being able to stop them. So I sniffed around and I found Dino - or, if you asked him, he found me, - and I swore I'd make him pay someday. From the inside out. Ten godforsaken years passed, but I never stopped looking for her. I couldn't stop them then, but I can stop them now. I'm going to get her back."

His voice was low and controlled, but Selene could still hear the anger behind his words. Those dark eyes flashed with dangerous promise.

"And for the record, my loyalties never changed. It had always been with her. I was just good at faking my way to the top," he said.

Selene was silent. She didn't know what to say to a story like that, because nothing she had to say would have mattered.

"What's her name?" she asked instead.

"Adelaide," he said softly. The name danced from his lips, delicate and treasured. It seemed he hadn't said it in a while.

Selene wanted to say she was sorry, but she knew it wasn't her place to. Sorry? Sorry for what? For being the villain that tore their family of two apart? She felt like an imposter sitting next to him.

But she admired him in secret. She admired his deep determination that had helped him get through ten years as an infiltrator. The amount of anger, rage, and hatred that must have built up as he forced himself to work side-by-side with Dino. The amount of self-control it must have taken to not kill him after all that time. It almost made her sad.

And then she wanted to laugh because it turned out the traitor was never a traitor at heart. She was the only fraud here.

I'm sorry, she wanted to say.

But those empty words drowned in the meaning they could never fully express.