𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝

38

matteo

I watch the water as Valentina's delicate hand creates ripples through it.

We've been here about five minutes and she's still yet to talk. I'm not going to push her on it though, she'll talk when she's ready.

I hear a small sniff from her and a sharp intake of breath. "It's so pathetic." She starts and I furrow my brows, waiting for her to elaborate.

"Why I'm upset, it's really pathetic." Vee warns and I stay silent.

"I miss my family. If I ever even had one." I don't think I've ever heard her voice so full of sadness before.

"I just feel really alone in the world, and unwanted. And I know it's stupid trust me I know but I can't help it. I have no family." A sob slips past her lips and I watch as she hunches over, curling in on herself and covering her face with her hands. 

She takes a second to compose herself and I wait patiently.

"It always gets worse around the holidays. When I see all the families knowing that I'll never have that."

"And I never had anyone to teach me anything, I didn't have a mom that I could talk to or a dad to comfort me when I was sad. No one has ever been there for me."

The sadness in her voice is replaced with numbness the more she talks and my heart sinks a little.

"Growing up in the orphanage was tough. I shared a room with seven other girls and the room across housed ten boys. We were all different ages but I had always been there the longest. I watched as girls and boys came and went, as they grew up and left, as they found their new families.

Things in the house were always tense. We would do all the chores and cook and clean for each other. Of course the three women running the place were no help at all. They merely provided our prison that we were meant to call home.

We all went to the local schools but it was up to us to make our way there and back. We didn't live in the best neighbourhood and it was really scary sometimes." She coughs, and then speaks again this time sounding even more detached than before.

"The three women, they would find any excuse they could to punish us. Sometimes they hurt us so bad that we couldn't even walk properly for weeks on end. I had been there the longest, I was their favourite to inflict pain on. I was their punching bag.

I can't remember it all but I do remember a few things. When they threw me down the stairs for the first time I was only four. When they used to burn me with their cigarettes, I still have the scars. When they used to starve me for days on end and punish the others when they tried to help me."

When I first met Valentina, this is the last thing I thought she went through. She hides her pain so well.

Slowly, I reach out to grab her hand, intwining our fingers.

"I thought that was the worst thing in the world, I thought that they were the worst people alive and that anywhere would be better than there. I was wrong. God, I was so wrong."

"I left when I was eleven, ran away. I didn't have anywhere to go so I lived on the streets. I stole food where I could and stole even more clothes. Learned to pickpocket and squat in empty apartments. Winters were really hard, especially in New York. I can't count the number of times I nearly died out there, either from starvation or hypothermia.

I knew that I couldn't go back but there were times I almost did. I was a young girl out on the streets, vulnerable to everyone and everything. Especially men.

That's how I met Mara, she saved me one night when I was around thirteen, taught me how to protect myself and gave me money. She was the first person to ever show me real kindness. I got a job a couple months after that, saved up enough money for food and for clothes and eventually, the worlds shittiest apartment. But damage was already done."

"By the time I was fifteen everything I'd been through caught up to me. It seemed that I'd blocked everything out while it was happening and it all just came crashing back down. The years of abuse and rape. I didn't even know it was wrong, I knew it was bad and that I didn't want it but no one ever taught me that it was wrong. I felt so violated and started to hate my body, knowing that everyone has already tainted it. I needed an escape, I needed to get away from myself so badly that I fell into an addiction.

It didn't happen instantly. It just started with drinking a little and then it spiralled. It was just too easy to buy my escape. I would sleep with strangers to feel something, I would be high all the time to feel nothing, and I avoided being sober at all costs. I tried to convince myself that I was just making up everything that happened, that it wasn't real because if it did happen then I was ruined forever.

At 18 I decided to get sober. I don't remember why but I did. It took a while and it was really fucking hard but I did it. And then I started stealing from you, which was really easy by the way."

I feel sick.

Salty tears run down my face but I refuse to let her see, keeping my head firmly down. My hand is clutching hers so tight it has to hurt but she doesn't seem to care.

How can someone survive so much and still be here? What do I say to make it better? I can't make it better but I need to.

"Sorry didn't mean to spill my whole life story but it's a bit late now. You already know it all and you probably weren't even listening." Valentina rambles anxiously.

Lifting my head, I take one look at the woman in front of me and tackle her. I wrap my arms around her and cradle her to my chest, placing my cheek on the top of her hair.

"You are so strong Valentina. I'm so proud of you for surviving through all of that. You're still here, you made it. I've got you Vee and trust me when I say no one will ever hurt you ever again. Never again."

We lay there for a while. Neither of us moving. Every few minutes I remind her that I'm here for her, that I'll always have her back, that I'll always pick her and that no one will ever harm her ever again.

"You might not have a blood related family Vee but you have me and you have Cairo and Enrico. You have Imara and Luna. You might not know it yet but you have Lorenzo and Alessandro too, even Vincent. I know it's not the same but we are all here for you, if you want us. You never have to feel like a guest around us, like an outsider because you aren't, whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us amore."

I've never met such a strong woman. I knew all along that she was strong but I never knew the full extent.

I'm in awe.

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i found it hard to write his response cause i'm not very good at comforting people, especially when they're upset.

<3