Red in my Ledger

Chapter Thirty-Two

Bucky heard the door finally open behind him.
But he didn't stop walking.
He got to the open elevator and stepped inside. He turned to face the doors, and saw you storming towards him. Your face full of anger glared at his blank expression.
Whatever he was feeling, he was doing a great job at hiding it.
The doors started closing but you managed to squeeze through at the last minute.
They shut behind you and the elevator started moving.
"What did you just say?!" you yelled at him.
"Hm? You can talk to me when you are ready to apologise to me."
The doors opened once again. Bucky casually walked out. You followed after.
"What the fuck do I have to apologise for?"
Bucky turned, anger rising to match yours.
Neither of you noticed that Steve, Tony and Natasha were in the room with you. None of them said anything as you and Bucky yelled at each other. 
"Oh I don't know. Maybe for running away for absolutely no reason! We were all worried. I was worried! Then you come home and you don't want to talk to me?! What did I do?"
"What didn't you do" you hissed.
"I asked you to dinner! What is so wrong with that?"
"You should be the one apologising!"
"For what? For asking you to dinner?"
"Exactly!"
"Y/n I don't see the problem!"
You folded your arms and glared at him. "How long?"
"What?"
"I want to know how long you have wanted to ask me out?" you didn't let him say anything before you continued, screaming at him: "how long have you wanted to FUCK ME?! I have known you since I was a child! Was it since then? When I was seven, when we first met? When I was ten, and it happened for the first time? Or maybe it was when I was 16? That time we were training, and you found about Rumlow. Is that when you got the idea? You wanted to do me like he did? Or maybe, you waited, like Dreykov did, until I was eighteen? You waited all that time until I was old enough? And you've just been waiting for the right opportunity?"
He didn't say anything.
"WELL?!"
Bucky was hurt. He was angry. But he felt like he could break down on the spot.
"I can not believe, after all this time, you think I would do something like that" he said quietly, but harshly. He only got louder. "I care about you more than anyone else. You are the most important person in my life. The very idea of losing you makes me want to kill myself! I would do anything to make you happy! For example, let you call me Weiner. I hate that! But I know you just love calling me that! So I let you, even though it annoys the crap out of me! But I do it because I FUCKING LOVE YOU Y/N!"
"You what?" Tony said.
You and Bucky immediately jerked your head to where the three of them were sitting on the couch.
You turned back to Bucky.
"You don't love me."
"I'm not happy unless you're around. You make me happy. I want to always have you near me, and I never want to leave your side. I want you to be with me until the day we both die. I can not imagine my life if you're not in it. I want to kiss you and hold you in my arms forever. And if that isn't love, I don't know what love is."
You didn't know how to respond. A thousand thoughts were racing through your head. Your heart was pounding in your chest. You felt completely overwhelmed. You didn't know what you were feeling.
"What we're doing now, arguing with you, it is killing me."
Bucky's tone became more gentle as he confided in you...
"You were my best friend when we were together in Hydra. Then I escaped Hydra. I got control over my own mind. I figured out how I felt about everything. How I felt about you. I have always cared about you, but I only realised how much I cared a few weeks ago. I promise you, I am not like those other guys."
Bucky softly cupped your cheek and leaned closer until his lips pressed against yours. Only for a second. He pulled away but kept his face close to yours.
You could feel his breath on your skin.
"I love you y/n" he said.
You closed your eyes for a moment. You gulped, then took a deep breath.
Then you stepped back and slapped Bucky hard across the face.
You turned quickly and stormed off towards the door.
You didn't necessarily want to do that. Part of you wanted to stay. But you had to get out of there. It was too much.
You got out the room, and stumbled slightly.
You had been feeling dizzy, light-headed, a bit sick.
It had only gotten worse with that conversation.
You rubbed your forehead slowly as you continued to walk down the hallway.
You were taking deep breaths to calm yourself.
You had been sure it was just the stress of the argument.
But then you felt your eyes begin to droop shut.
And suddenly you were on the floor.
———
Steve, Tony and Natasha stood up from the couch after you ran out.
Natasha instantly hurried after you and Steve followed her, while the other two guys stayed together.
Bucky touched his cheek. The slap didn't hurt that much physically, but as it suggested your rejection, he was more hurt emotionally.
He had watched you run out. He watched Steve and Natasha go after you.
"Barnes" Tony approached him. "You better not be bullshitting. Do you really feel that way about my sister?"
"You really think I would lie about something like that? ... but it doesn't matter anyway. She clearly doesn't feel the same way. She hates me, so don't worry Tony, I'll stay out of her way" Bucky groaned and slumped down on the couch.
"Guys..." Natasha walked back in.
Bucky and Tony looked over at the door. Behind her, Steve was carrying you. You had passed out.
Tony hurried over and stroked his fingers through your hair.
"What happened?" he asked.
"I don't know. She was just lying on the floor outside" Natasha said.
"She probably just fainted or something" Steve added.
"Tony, when she got back last night, what did she do?" Bucky asked.
"She came to see me, then I took her to my room and she fell asleep pretty much straight away."
"Did you bring her breakfast?"
"She told me she wasn't hungry."
"She hasn't eaten in like a week. She needs food" Bucky explained.  
They went to the kitchen - Steve was still carrying you.
He sat you down on the counter and shook your shoulders gently. It didn't take much to wake you up.
"Hey y/n" Steve smiled softly. "How are you feeling?"
You looked into his eyes, then over his shoulder. You saw Natasha and Tony. Then you saw Bucky. You quickly looked away, back at Steve.
"Mm" you moaned. "What happened?"
"You just passed out for a couple of minutes. Y/n, we're gonna need you to eat something."
You looked down into your lap.
"Okay" you mumbled.
"What would you like?" Steve asked kindly.
"I don't mind."
"Do you want some chocolate?"
"Sure."
Steve moved across the kitchen and found a bar of chocolate. He pulled off half the wrapper and handed it to you.
"Thank you."
You broke off a piece and put it in your mouth.
Steve picked up your other hand and held it comfortingly in his as you ate. 
You finished the chocolate bar.
You looked around at the others looking at you.
You wanted a hug. But you only really wanted it from one person. Bucky. But he was probably also the last person you could hug right now. Instead, you leaned forward and pressed your forehead on Steve's chest, as he was still standing in front of you.
Steve hesitated. He could feel Bucky's eyes on him.
He stepped back and allowed Tony to take his place.
You got down off the counter and hugged Tony tightly.
Everyone was awkwardly silent.