The Bucketlist

40| JERK DETECTED

2 days later.

I am happy.

That's not the first thought people get when you are through a breakup and I am not telling you to be happy when you have been through a breakup. Instead of being happy, be overjoyed that it ended. No more nightmares about a guy leaving you, Taylor Swift retiring,or the world tearing down. Amen.

It's better to be alone than suffer in a stupid duo. Take it from me. Thank God, Josh and I didn't do anything serious. Things like that make it awkward when you have been through a hellhole of a relationship. Of course, no one wants strange guys to know how jumpy you are in bed and how often you've had sex.

Those who think they are missing the other person, I am sorry. It's a lie. It's just the feels. For instance, I don't think Josh is adorable when he laughed. His voice is hoarse most of the time, and I think it's stupid of him to be late for work. Somehow his blue eyes weren't magical- oceans are another name for typhoons, so it's dangerous. Put it in the Jimmy Fallon way- safety is sexy, and that's why Josh isn't. Period.

Breakups are more overrated than new beginnings. Take the cue, get a ride and enjoy life - that's what life is yelling at you when you are thinking about a liar who's probably kissing some other girl; in some person's bed. Cutting it short- 'Fuck, but don't catch feelings, or you are fucked.'

I don't even know what to call Josh? An ex-boyfriend? How come, when he wasn't one! All we did was talk shit, gossip and lean on each other's shoulders. There wasn't any amount of secret exchange, kissing, or fucking. I guess half of it was in my head. Really.

Over the past few days, I haven't seen Amanda. Thanks to the suspension letter, I didn't have to see her breathing down my neck.

"Eva, you seem eerily happy." Rachel said as I walked out for lunch.

"Well, what can I say! I guess my heart and my brain have found a middle ground. Fucking finally." I sighed when Rachel stared at me awkwardly.

"What?" I asked her, and she shrugged.

"You didn't read the email. Did you?" Rachel asked as we sat on the teak table, eating noodles.

"What email?" I asked, taking a bite. Rachel seemed worried.

Wait, was I getting fired, and it's public, but only I don't know about it? Gosh, No wonder!

A moment of silence.

"The investors from our Ebook project are backing off. There's a board meeting this afternoon!" Rachel said.

Oh. God. That was 'bad' news. I should have known that something was up when things were going okay. Problems catch up to me in no time. Why did I think I would get an easy pass just because Will and I kissed on the weekend?

Pause. Why the hell am I thinking about it right now?

I slurped the whole strand of noodle in my mouth. I don't mind people judging, but if a woman can't eat her food the way she wants, then let's not talk about equality.

Two questions popped in my head as I got another bite:

1) Why was this happening?

2) What am I to do?

The caffeine in my system was making it hard for me to slump and feel tired, but that's what I wanted to do.

"Do you have a backup plan?" Rachel asked as she quietly got a mouthful of soup.

I didn't even think about a backup plan. How could I? Everything I said that day came from a detailed analysis that Will make me study the entire week!

"I am afraid, no," I said, and Rachel's face dropped.