Rough Sketches

Mountains To Climb

It occurs to me that
there hasn't been a single day in the past five years
when you didn't enter my mind

I'd been fighting so damn hard to let you go
because that was the only choice I had

you were already disappeared
then you revealed
you thought I should be devoted to you still
care about you deeply still
after you left me
followed by deathly silence for months

you not once considered how I felt
didn't call to hear my side of the story

I let you play the victim
let them colour me as the bad guy
because I didn't want to be enemies

I know you should do what is best for you
but you should give a little more thought to
someone you were so close to
for far more than a year or two

did you ever consider
while you were struggling to get up again
that I had my own mountains to climb?

has it ever occurred to you
that I cried over you too
I have my own mountains to climb
and in the ash in the aftermath
all you did is push me down

I was your light in the dark
but when I got burned out
you were gone

every relationship has its issues
withdrawal, maybe fighting.
they aren't pretty. they aren't welcome.
but sharing also comes with compromise

every relationship
has mountains to climb

and resentment comes from letting something little
spiral out of control
no communication
no signs

I've read your poems
I've read between the lines
but of course I can't read your mind
how did you really feel?

being so far away
no way to tell tone
in a text
cannot see your expression
through the phone

when you change the topic
how do I decide between respecting your boundaries
and pressuring you in case something was up?

how do I see through all the noise
from my friends
and yours
when you won't just tell me what's up

and what if
depression clouds your view of me
anxiety turns a hiccup
into chocking
a downward spiral that makes people push away those they love

and did you ever consider
while you were struggling to get up again
that I had my own mountains to climb

and now maybe to let yourself move on
you just made up reasons to leave me
because I'm gone

and we have our own
mountains
to
climb