𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

less than...

blue

it's my twenty fourth birthday, i'm old as fuck.

i have no idea what i'm gonna spend it doing. i'll probably just get a little glam on and chill at home until billie comes over from work. she keeps teasing me that she's younger than me and that she's still twenty three which is so annoying. she's only ten days younger than me, she needs to get over it.

funny i feel like i am old but i haven't lived enough yet. it's weird, time. and i've actually come to the conclusion that i hate time, why did we have to invent time? it's just an illusion, another concept humans developed that i find no interest in believing with. i get that we have to know the time because we have to be at a certain place at a certain time and do stuff on our schedule to not fall behind or what not, but time can suck my dick.

today is my birthday, but i am not twenty four.

i went through the morning ticking off my imaginary bucket list i had in my head. then i realized i didn't eat at all, so i made my way to the kitchen where billie had left me a little note stuck with a magnet on the fridge. "happy birthday stupid, sorry i wasn't there when you woke up but i made you a smoothie bowl to hopefully makeup for it. - your bozo."

i smiled at the note and opened the fridge to find her smoothie bowl for me. i opened youtube and chose to watch one of claudia's vlogs, set up the phone to stand on the table and started eating. we all are ipad kids, don't even try to deny it.

i finished my breakfast, rinsed the bowl, left it in the sink for me to wash later and walked to the studio. i've been really at it lately with music, i started working on my first album after releasing three singles that did pretty well. all the credits are to me, i am producing and singing every single bit of every single song. i want it to be soly my work, and i don't care about people's opinions because i loved every single piece of work that i came up with and i will continue to love the rest that are to come.

i opened my monitor, popped up all my saved files, plugged in the headphones and did my thing. i don't know how long i've been staring at the screen, singing, repeating, producing, staring at the screen, singing blah blah blah. but when billie came up to me from behind it was already twelve pm.

"you look really pretty birthday girl." she cupped my cheek when i took off my headphones and stood infront of her. "how is your day so far?"

"amazing, i feel very productive and your smoothie bowl was really delicious." i answered. billie sweetly smiled and kissed my lips with the same stretch.

"what about you? did you get any new information about work? new calendar? interviews?" i asked.

"no, not really. we did have a meeting about me having to start working on a new album though. finneas and i have been working on a couple of songs already, so we do have a head start." billie shrugged. "when am i going to be allowed to hear your music?" she asked.

"when i'm fully done with the album, you're the first one that's going to hear it after me. does that sound like a good deal to you?" i asked.

"good enough." she mumbled. "i guess."

"brat." i pulled her into my hold and swayed side to side. i don't hug her unless i'm wearing layers of clothes, enough for her to not feel my skin and bones. i don't want to scare her, but now, it's the first time i've ever hugged her where she can feel my skin instantly hit my bones, no fat, nothing. just skin and bones. my boobs are gone the ass i barley had is gone. i changed. i know that, i'm fine with that.

billie didn't react any differently when she held me. she didn't squeeze me tighter than she normally would or looser than she normally would, thinking that if she held me tighter my bones would break, she squeezed just the right amount.