Toast of the Season

❖ Chapter 18 ❖

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She laughed the whole way over in the cart and it made for a delightful sight. I couldn't help but laugh along with her.

Right now, I know I am holding her overly long and overly close but I don't want to give her up just yet. She glanced at me when I first lifted her but now she is avoiding my gaze I am determined to view her pretty green eyes again before I loosen my grip on her. "Lizzy." I try getting her attention. When she still doesn't raise her eyes, I squeeze her side just a bit. Success. Her eyes flash to mine. There they are, like green gems, shining in the light of the sun. Thick soot colored lashes framing them like the art they are. 

Being close to her, looking into her eyes reminds me of holding her last night. But today her eyes aren't filled with sorrow. It nearly broke my heart to see her so profoundly sad last night and I could think of nothing except to comfort her. I would have never guessed that holding a woman in my arms would effect me as much as it did. She fit against my chest perfectly, as if she was made to lie there. It was an entirely new feeling that I never even knew existed.

I vividly remember the feelings she evoked when she brushed her face back and forth over my chest. It was like waves of pleasure ran down my body. I understand now why men can be enamored with women. I have always had difficulty understanding it until last night. 

I am also unsure how I was so fully captivated by watching her sleep on my chest. I could not look away. Her little breaths in and out, her eyelashes fluttering every so often, it was completely mesmerizing. With each passing moment I wanted to touch her more and when I finally gave into the overwhelming urge to kiss across her forehead and hair, to breathe in the smell of her and rub my face on her head, she awoke.

I felt a keen loss when she moved away from me. But I was very glad to see that she seemed more at peace after taking her nap on me. I know it was highly inappropriate to hold her but Lizzy lets me get away with many things a more proper lady would not.

As I gaze down at her now it is not sadness but fire in her eyes and I find that I've missed this. Her eyes are so full of spark right now I feel I could burn under their attention. This is likely my favorite expression of hers, such an impertinent look. She always gives it right before issuing a sassy response. Well, her smile is my favorite, if I'm being honest, but I also love when she is cheeky.

Before she is able to give her retort, I rebuke her, "It is ill-mannered not to look someone in the eye who is talking with you, Lizzy." I am positive this will rile her up.

She huffs, "Lord Westworth, it is not lost on me that you are reprimanding me for ill-manners when you are the one holding me excessively long."

I chuckle at this, "Now we are back to formality are we, Miss Cavendish? I can tell you honestly that my self-control is often challenged by you, my dear." If she only knew the restraint I was currently using to not pull her flush against me.

I lean down closer to her face and my eyes flicker to her lips. Big mistake. As if her lips dry under my gaze, her tongue sneaks out to moisten them. I try not to sigh audibly. I know that kissing Lizzy would be a whole new level of inappropriate. A truth which hasn't kept my mind from imagining repeated kisses ever since she arrived to my home. There is no possible circumstance that would allow for me to kiss her. And yet, my mind has been using an inordinate amount of energy trying to come up with a scheme that would authorize it to occur.

I find my self control to pull my hands away from her waist and instead I take her gloved hand in mine. We walk in the direction of the windmill. 

I strangely missed Lizzy so much over the five days I was here at Beaumont without her. There was an odd moment of weakness when I had Phoenix saddled and I started toward London to see her. But a mile down the road I realized I had no excuse for going all the way to town and I caught hold of my wits, turning around to come home. I completely ignored the perplexing looks that Fields and Tanner gave me. I refused to explain myself, acting as if my behavior was perfectly normal.