I knew that it was going to happen. I wasn't stupid to think that we'd just talk on our wedding night. But, as much as I tried to psychologically prep for the idea of sleeping with him, I just couldn't help but hope that he'd wait.
Who are you kidding, Aiyla? I thought to myself. It's not as if he cares about your feelings.
He was holding my gaze as he undid the bow and I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to protest more, beg him to stop, or just freeze and cry.
It gave me a certain sense of pleasure that I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction by doing any of those.
"Are you okay, Sweetheart?" he asked as the bow loosened.
Let's just get this over with... I wanted to say but nodded instead.
"What...what do you want me to do?" I asked surrendering to the fact that this man bought me and was expecting me to satisfy him in bed; that it was silly of me to even try to run away from it.
You knew what you got yourself into, Aiyla. Alam mong mangyayari 'to.
"Whatever you want to do," he said. "Any...expectations...?" There was laughter in his voice.
"Nothing...I just...I just want you to finish quickly..." I muttered, my face burning with embarrassment. "I know that it's going to be painful. Kaya sabihin mo sa akin kung anong gagawin ko para matapos na kaagad. Do you...do you want me to go down on you?"
"What have you been watching, Sweetheart?" He sounded teasing.
"Porn," I honestly replied.
His brow arched; it was an answer that he did not expect. "Excuse me, what?"
"Porn," I repeated. "Don't you need me to give you head to get it hard?" I asked.
Yes, I watched porn two days before my wedding. In preparation for the inevitable. Because I somehow felt that I should at least get an idea of how it's done. I knew where what goes but the whole calisthenics was a mystery to me. And I didn't want to have an anxiety attack while we were doing it.
He stared at me for a second before he fell on the bed laughing. "That, my wife, is how you get it to turn soft," he said.
The heat in my face doubled.
"I don't know if I should be touched that you came tonight prepared..." He sounded amused. "Or if I should feel bad that you somehow see this as something that you are obligated to do."
I turned my head to look at him. "It isn't?"
He smiled before he moved his mouth close to my ear. "Only if you don't want to...but, I'm rather good at convincing people..." he said.
"Then let's just do it."
He chuckled. "Nagmamadali ka naman yata, may pupuntahan ka ba?"
I did not reply.
"Gusto kong mag-usap muna tayo. Okay lang ba?" he said.
I frowned. "Anong pag-uusapan?"
"Why do you sound so impatient?"
"Kasi nga pinapatagal mo," I answered. "Doon lang din naman ang punta, pi-no-prolong mo pa."
"Sorry naman."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"What kind of porn did you watch?"
"I just typed in the word porn, saw a link, then clicked on it."
"Magkakaiba kasi 'yun ng genre so I am curious kung saan ka napunta."
"It involved people if that's what you're asking," I sarcastically said.
