Life in Paintings

Chapter 42 - Through My Dreams

Chapter 42 – Through My Dreams

I am literally laughing when I appear in the next painting.

Was I just smitten by God? What the actual fuck? That is hilarious.

"You seem in a good mood," I voice that I recognized says.

I turn around and face Tanya. She's wearing her jeans overalls, and a white shirt underneath, covered with paint, her hair in a bun held up by a paint brush. I keep smiling. I haven't seen her in a while.

I find myself walking up to her actually, and just hugging her.

I totally take her by surprise. She laughs and says, "Woah, what was that for?"
"I missed you," I admit after letting go of her.

I haven't seen her in a little while. And with this curse, I'll never know when it's the last time.

"You're really in a good mood," she remarks.

"I just got smitten by God. After being thrown in lava by Satan. After getting sham married to Gustave Courbet."

She's definitely surprised at the chain of event. "Wait, you married Gustave Courbet?"

"Sham married, but yes," I explain.

Still, it's married for me. In my heart, it counted. I said I do.

"Really?"

"Yeah..." I look at her, frowning. I'm a little worried now. "Wait, is that like wrong, historically?"

She shrugs. "No, it could have happened."

"Does he ever marry?" I shake my hads automatically, stopping her before she can reply. ""Wait, no, I don't think I want to know."

If she says he got married and it's not with me I don't think I'll survive it. But if she says he didn't get married, that also means I don't get to break the curse, and that I'm never going to be able to stay with him, and I want to hold out this crazy hope that maybe I'll find a way to cheat the curse.

I'll find a way to stay with Gustave. And the only way for my dreams to not be broken is not to know.

"You really love him, huh?"

"Yeah..." I admit.

She chuckles. "I get it, he was a babe when he was younger."

I frown again. "How do you know?"

"His self portraits, of course."

Wait. They still exist? People can see them? Are his self portraits actually known? Is he known? How many has he done? I'm freaking out a bit. "Don't tell me anything more, I don't want to know."

"Fine, you weirdo," Tanya laughs, and hands me a brush. "Here. Help me out instead of just freaking out and paint the sides in black."

She points to a painting.

It's her laying in bed, sleeping, with a magically world appearing over her head, like a dream.

"Do you always do this?" I ask, and comply with the demand, taking the can of black paint she hands me too.

"If I don't do them, it feels like it's always unfinished. As soon as that coat of paint is there, it tells my brain I'm done. I can let go now," she explains, and goes to work on another canvas tracing lines.

There's also another painting half way painted in another corner.

Usually she's not working on so many things at once. I point it out. "You're working on a lot of things?"

"Yeah, I might manage to have an exhibition soon, so I need to get my act together."

"Hey, that's amazing!" I exclaim automatically.

She shrugs, like she's trying not to make a big deal out of it, her cheeks reddening a little at the admission. "It's not a big gallery or anything fancy, but it's something."

"That's really great Tanya," I tell her excitedly.

"Thanks. I just hope I can finish everything I have planned in time." Suddenly, she look sat me like she's seeing me for the first time. "You know what? Go take a shower. I'm an awful hostess, and you're a mess," she tells me.

I laugh but don't argue.

She leads me to her bathroom, and after showing me everything I need to know leaves me alone in the room.

I haven't taken a shower in a while.

I strip out of the clothes Gustave got for me, and hop in the shower. I stay under the warm water for probably too long.

I find myself curling in a ball at the bottom of it, and cry.

I missed warm water. And feeling clean.

But I miss Gustave too. I'm cleaning off the paint I forgot to wash off my hands. I'm erasing the only traces I have left of him.

And I'm terrified I will never see him again.

When I get out, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, I must looked panicked, because Tanya asks, "You okay?"

"Sometimes I just really hate this curse," I admit to my friend, and let myself fall on the couch beside her.

She puts Once Upon a Time again, so we watch it together. It's so weird to be doing something so normal.

At one point, she asks me. "You ever think about the fact that everything has a price?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like in this," she points to the television. "Magic always comes at a price. This curse is your price for Gustave."

"So what? My price is essentially my soul?"

"Basically yeah. The question is, is it worth it?"

Yes. Unequivocally.

For Gustave, I think I'm ready to pay any price. I'll go live in Hell with the devil if I have to.

"Yes."

We change conversation, because I think Tanya can see I'm still sad. She points out that my dress could be clean, so we experiment old clothes with new tools. We wash it on gentle cycle and I take the risk of actually putting it in the dryer.

I don't want to disappear from this painting and leave the dress behind because it's drying on a hanger.

We watch some more Once Upon a Time in between.

I put it back on when it's dry.

"It's a cute dress your sham husband got you," she tells me.

I smile, a little sadly. "It is..."

I end up falling on the couch, wishing for more than just a dress.