Safarnaama

Six✨

—the last letter

I hate the feeling of being in love. it's the worst one can ever feel. so helpless. and so hopeless. like you want to yell at someone for not loving you back. but you can't. you want to move away every day. but you can't. every day you feel to go grab a coffee and start the day with something positive. but the minute you take a sip, it feels like you are trying to swallow the bitterness of your life anyhow. but you aren't able to.
so my dear love,

the miseries of my heart
can't be reflected in words
no poem would do them justice
there is no metaphor for this pain.

there are times when I feel so wearied
that penning it down might ease me,
but it only succumbs me to despair
making me crumple the sheet.

maybe the words died inside my mouth
which left behind this burning throat
or maybe they composed a lyric 
my heart hums every night.

one day the miseries will end,
maybe the writer in me will find
his way back with his poetic words,
Or maybe this agony will annihilate him.

Shehnaaz closed the book with a sigh. She was so confused about Sidharth. She knew him as a beautiful man who needed to be protected at all costs. But she wanted to know more about him. This book and the feeling of heartbreak it gave were messing with her mind. She knew one thing, he had undergone similar heartbreak because of the way he had conveyed his emotions through the book. This realisation broke her heart furthermore. Why do people like him, like them, have to suffer every time? Why the most beautiful souls are often found broken? She sighed and decided to scroll through Instagram reels. This was her new way of killing time. 

After a few minutes, there was a knock on her door. She mentally cursed the person for disturbing her and opened the door. There stood her landlord. She eyed him with disgust. This man always finds ways to look at her. And she hated every bit of him, the way he eyes her inappropriately every time and that disgusting smirk on his face. She wanted to smack his face for being so filthy. He was twice her age but as always some men can't keep it in their pants.
She reminded herself to find a new place as soon as possible.

"Aap aaj subhe se bahar nahi aayi to maine socha zara dekh lu koi dikkat to nahi", he said with a fake smile on his face.

"Ji nahi koi dikkat nahi hai.. aap ja sakte hain!", she replied with the same smile as his and closed the door on his face.

.............................................................................

Well, life was going hard on Sidharth. He loved every bit of Nainital. But he missed writing. He missed inflicting pain on his characters. The pain he went through. It was writing that gave him a medium to express his part of the pain. He had never felt so helpless in his life. He realized that this is how his life is going to be from here on. Flavourless.

He inhaled sharply as the flashes of the past started playing in his mind. This. This is exactly why he decided to quit. Every time he wrote, his past used to haunt him and he was done with it.
He sighed and rubbed his face harshly. He needed a smoke badly but his pack was empty. He went outside to buy a new packet. It was cold outside. He pacified his mind assuring it that it was because of the cold that he craved a smoke and not because of his sour mood. This was him. He was used to assuring himself every time he knew he was taking a wrong step. After buying himself a packet of cigarettes, he stood outside the shop taking a fag and absorbing the serene beauty of the place. There is something about mountains. Every time you see them, you'll find something new.