How I Met Your Mother

5 - Please Stay

natalie

It's Wednesday night now. The pizza and a movie thing happened on Friday.

Jackson had to get stitches above his eye. Can't play football for at least a week.

Henry was talking about how much he wants to fuck me to the hockey team and Jackson heard him.

They got into this huge fight in the back yard.

Thomas and I got coffee during our free period yesterday.

Mackenzie has been talking more. Nothing like personal though. She only asks me questions. Or she'll talk about school.

We had a nice conversation about music yesterday.

I even got her to eat dinner with me, Teddy, and mom.

She didn't talk though. She doesn't talk if anyone else is around.

I don't get it.

I'm in my room right now. It's like 11 pm so everyone is supposed to be sleeping.

I hear Mackenzie moving around at night. I knew she doesn't sleep but I never expected her to be up all the time. Like she genuinely does not go to sleep.

I was writing down song lyrics when I heard it.

It was quiet.

She was trying to be quiet.

I got out of my bed and went into her room without knocking. Which yes, that is an invasion of privacy but I'm worried about her.

Because mom told me to be.

That's all.

"Mackenzie." I whispered into the darkness.

I swear to God if she tries to play asleep.

"I heard you crying." I closed the door so the light from my room doesn't bleed in.

"I wasn't crying." She sniffled.

I stood next to her bed, "I'm here if you want to talk."

"I'm okay."

"Mackenzie."

"I said I'm okay."

"Dude. You don't sleep. You don't talk. You don't eat. I just want to help you." I can't help but be frustrated. I understand she needs time to open up but I really want to help her right now.

"You can't help me. No one can."

I saw the outline of her body, "I can try to help." I thought about sitting down to her to show her that I'm here but I feel like boundaries need to be recognized.

She faced me in her bed and sat up. She didn't speak at first. She just examinded my face. "I can't sleep." She looked down, shaking her head, "All I hear is their screams. Every night."

My heart dropped down to my fucking stomach.

She sniffled again.

I can't say anything to help. I thought I could but I can't. That's heart breaking.

I gently sat on the bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

She hugged me back.

I felt her cry into my chest.

God I feel so bad.

I stroked her hair as she let it all out.

She stopped crying after a few minutes.

"You can go back to your room." She was still holding onto me.

I kept stroking her hair, unsure of what to do, "It's okay." Leaving her like this would make her think I don't care. That I'm not actually here for her.