The Belly of the Beast

Ch. 40, Fear

Once in the Belly, I'd left the door to our room cracked, waiting for Xyla, and had accidentally fallen asleep. I'd woken to the sense that something was horribly wrong, and opened my eyes to the dark, beady eyes of a rat perched on my chest.

I woke now with the same disorientated fear.

Instead of a rat, the dark form of a man loomed over me. The world crashed into blazing light as he turned on the light. Disorientated, I crawled backwards and smashed into the shelf, cleaning supplies raining down on my head.

"You killed Blue." Dark bruise-like shadows circled his bloodshot eyes. My mind caught up to my body, and I recognized him as one of the other Letter Trial contestants. Shadow. I flexed iron fingers, realizing at some point in sleep I'd dropped my knife. But I didn't dare break eye contact to look for it.

"He attacked me in the Trial," I said slowly. "I didn't— "

He lunged forward. Hands wrapped around my neck and slammed me against the shelf, choking me. I kicked and thrashed, aiming for his eyes, between his legs, any spot of weakness.

Nothing stopped him— every second it became harder and harder to breathe. "Help!" my voice was a wheeze, my metal hand attacking him again and again, but nothing seemed to move him. Black spots flickered in my vision.

Suddenly, his hands were gone. My throat burned, my whole body scrambling away, drawing in wheezing breaths like a dying man.

The hanging light bulb above swung wildly, the room full of twisting shadows and two men grappling.

Dagger.

It was a short fight, seconds maybe. Dagger hit the man with such cold, effective blows I could only watch in terror.

Then Shadow slumped to the ground, and Dagger turned to me.

I scrambled backwards, fear rising in my throat the same as when he came for me in the Tuv pit. Worse maybe, because the wall stopped my retreat, and here it was only him and I and the man he'd just bludgeoned, maybe killed, with his bare hands. The light swung wildly behind him, as I struggled for breath, trapped in the corner like a wounded rat waiting for the death blow. But as he looked down at me, the violence in his eyes faded. He turned away, taking a slow, steadying breath before he said, "Are you okay?"

My hands clutched my neck, as I tried unsuccessfully to rub away the burning pain.

"Think so," I croaked out. Dagger nodded, still not looking at me as he knelt beside Shadow.

"Do you want to do it, or should I?"

"Do what?" My voice sounded off, my heart still thundering.

"Kill him."

The coldness he delivered those words forced me to stand. My throat throbbed, but I was thankful to be breathing at all. As I stood, I saw my traitor of a knife glinting on the ground. I reattached it, turning back to Dagger, my voice hoarse and low. "The Jackal Letter Trial doesn't start for a week."

Dagger gave me a strange, searching look. "This is the Jackal Letter Trial."

The Kaptain's words, his taunting smile, the way the people in the corridor ran from me all suddenly made sense. Of course this was the Letter Trial. I was an idiot. The image of Xyla rolling her eyes at me rose in my mind, and I said, almost defensively, "Why not just tell us that?"

Dagger reached up and stopped the swinging light, his fingers glowing red against the bulb before he released it. "The Jackals are well named. The Letter Trial takes place across the entire level. Anyone can participate, help, or hurt the fighters. It started the minute we walked over the threshold."

"And when does it end?" My eyes flicked down to Shadow.

He followed my gaze. "Four advance to the next Trail. Everyone's pairing up." He let the words hang between us, with the unspoken assumption that came with it. He was here to partner up with me? Why? It all felt like too much happening at once— and yet, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he decided to finish me off too. It wasn't like I could stop him.

"How did you find me?" I took a small step to the left, positioning myself closer to the door and stalling for time.

Dagger didn't seem to notice my movement. "One of the Jackals told me, and I'm guessing someone else told Shadow. Someone heard you talking in here." He paused, eyes slanting to me, something suspicious there. "Who were you talking to?"

The fact that he was suspicious of me, as if I might be some sort of threat to him, felt bizarre. Normally I was a pretty good liar, but maybe it was the fact someone had just tried to kill me, or that I'd only just realized I was in another Letter Trial, but I decided to tell the truth. "I was talking to myself."

His eyes narrowed, like he didn't believe me. "Yourself?"

"Yah, Dagger, it's something we crazies do down in the Belly," My lingering gratefulness quickly dissolved into annoyance. "Why are you here?"

His eyebrows shot up, but then he said, slow and steady, like he really did think I was crazy, "I'm here to see if you'd like to partner up."

His directness caught me off guard. Why did he want to be my partner? He could have just as easily let Shadow finish the job and then partnered up with him.

Even if I didn't understand it, he clearly knew more about this level than I did. I couldn't afford to say no. Still, I pursed my lips, not wanting to give in too easily. "Fine. But I have one requirement if you want to be partners."

He sighed and closed his eyes as if he already regretted this. "Which is?"

I glanced down at the man sprawled on the ground. "Leave him. I think—I think Blue was his friend—" Or maybe something more than friend.

"He tried to kill you."

"He was grieving."

"And that matters why?"

I stared down at the man's crumpled form, unable to see an enemy. Maybe it was because I'd finally had a real conversation with a K-guard. Or maybe because I suddenly wondered if The Letter Trials weren't about redemption so much as making us turn on each other without ever asking why. Or maybe because it was what Yaneli would have done. I shrugged. "Maybe just because we can kill him, doesn't mean we should."

Dagger stared at me, that dark, unreadable look in his eyes. The single bulb lit a strange scene: a man prone on the floor, a young man and a woman staring at each other, and a closet scattered with towels and cleaning supplies. Even with my small knife, I knew I wouldn't beat Dagger in a fight. It didn't escape me that this request might make him decide I would be better off dead too. But I didn't back down.

"I could kill him anyways," Dagger said.

A cold chill ran down my back. "You could. But then I won't partner with you."

He took a small step closer, and it felt like the room shrink as he became bigger, blocking the exit. "I could kill you too."

You could. But I didn't say that. Instead, I lifted the knife, pointed it straight at him, and said, with every ounce of steel I had left, "I killed you once. Don't make me do it again."

It was the right thing to say. Something changed in his eyes and the set of his mouth. Not a smile, but a lightening, a lifting. He shook his head, probably deciding I really was crazy, and then turned away and stepped over Shadow's body without touching him. On the threshold of the closer, he glanced both ways down the hallway and then stepped out. I thought he would keep walking, and leave me behind, but instead he paused and said, "We need to move. If Shadow found you, others can too. Next time when you have a conversation with yourself, do it a little quieter."

"How about the next time someone tries to kill me, you show up sooner."

He made no comment, just turned and started walking—but somehow I knew he was waiting for me to follow. I took a slow deep breath, glanced down at Shadow's form, and then at the cracked mirror—unable to recognize the fractured girl there. Then I stepped out in the hallway.

Together we walked deeper into Level M.