My Safest Place

Too Much Alcohol

Nurse Lori wasn't kidding about it being hell the first couple of days. As much as Kevin tried to be in the studio he kept running off to throw up.

"Are you ok?" Nadine asked Kevin who bent over the toilet.

"Does it look like I'm ok...Nadine? Just get out, ok."

She shook her head and walked out. At night she could hear him in the bathroom letting it all out. They all tried to help him, but all he did was kick everyone out. It was hard for her to resist helping him, but she did; it was obvious he didn't want her help at the time.

One of those days she entered the room anyway. "Kevin?" She called out softly. Her eyes scanned the room and she saw the bathroom light on. "Kevin, are you ok?" She asked as she finished opening the door.

"Yeah I'm fine." He croaked before rinsing out his mouth. "What do you want?" He asked, walking past her.

"Well first of all, I just wanted to know if you're ok? I'm not understanding the point of being so nasty at everyone, when all we want to do is help you and be with you through this difficult time. There is really no point to be here if you don't need or want my help, Kevin." Nadine bit her lip in an attempt to control her emotions.

He sighed heavily, "I'm sorry...it's just that this isn't an easy time for me ok." He sat on the corner of the bed, his face in his hands, "I just can't stand this...it's no use...I'm going to die anyway. It's so damn stupid to torture myself and everyone else with this fucking chemo."

Nadine stood leaning against the door, "No your not...your going to record that album and all this torture with the chemo is going to pay off and you're going to be ok."

She smiled as his sad eyes met with hers. He suddenly stood up and made his way towards her. His hands cupped her face and his body pressed against hers, without warning his lips softly pressed against hers.

She'd thought about this moment so many times.

Her hands wrapped around his waist as she deepened the kiss, he was aggressive but gentle at the same time. Before they knew it, they were on the bed, Kevin on top of her. Neither one of them worried about someone walking in on them. It didn't really matter at the time. His shirt was off and his hands were up her shirt.

Her hands ran slowly over his chest and her fingers caressed the lump on his chest. Her hands continued down to his pants; she unbuttoned and then unzipped them.

Suddenly Kevin stopped and sprung up off the bed.

"I can't do this Nadine."

"What are you talking about? It's ok...I want to." She smiled, pulling him back down towards her.

He looked around a little disorientated. "No really I can't...I have to go."

"Ok...just calm down. It's ok..."

"NO! It's not ok!" He looked enraged. "This can't happen, for so many reasons. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have done that."

"I don't understand you! Just go back to your room, Kevin." Angrily she shoved him out of the room and slammed the door. 

Kevin stood outside the room with his shirt in hand; just as AJ and Howie walked by they both shrugged with a grin. "You good man?" Howie asked.

"Yeah, everything is fine." Kevin headed to his room. 

Later that evening Nick and AJ decided that it was time to take a break and they invited a few people over. Kevin didn't engage in the celebration, he just watched from the couch trying to pretend to listen to Amanda. When all along his eyes were on AJ and Nick fooling around with half drunk Nadine.