My Safest Place

Heartbreak

As the days went by the guys weren't sure what was making Kevin look more ill, the chemo or not having Nadine around. He was a total grouch and all he did was sit in his room and play the piano or sleep. He didn't even acknowledge that Amanda was there.

"I can't believe that you sent her home. I just can't believe it." AJ took a seat on the sofa and flipped the pages to a magazine. "Holy shit you're in the magazine Kev. Damn you look like crap." Brian smacked him on the head as Kevin snatched the magazine from his hands.

"Damn it that is why I didn't want to do it...look at all this crap they are talking about...it's like they're betting on when I'm going to die or something." He flung the magazine across the room "It's all her fault!" He stormed off, leaving the guys looking at each other.

"Hi, welcome to Denny's my name is Nadine and I'll be your --" She was cut off by the blondes sitting in the booth.

"Yes, can I get two cups of water and two chef salads hold the ham. Please" They handed the menus back to her as she turned around and mocked them.

"Come on Nadine smile...it's not that bad right?" An older waitress smiled at Nadine. She looked at her gloomily as she poured water into two different cups. "You have to hang in there, the man will come around."

Suddenly Sarah came storming into the kitchen, "Holy shit Nadine look at this..." She took the magazine out of her bag and shoved it in Nadine's face. Her mouth instantly dropped as she saw the different horrible headlines and pictures of Kevin.

"He must really hate me right now...I can't believe that they would do something like that...it's like he...he's dying tomorrow or something." She grabbed the glasses of water and took them to her table.

"Hey you're that girl...the one with the Backstreet Boys...oh my god...like what are you doing working at Denny's?" The blondes sat there dumbly waiting for an answer.

She smiled and walked away, tears now streaming down her face. She entered the kitchen, Sarah and the older lady staring at her. "I can't do this anymore...I want to be there...and I...I can't do this...I have to tell him how I feel." Nadine took off her apron.

Brian entered Kevin's room "Hey there cuz..." he took a seat next to Kevin who seemed to ignore his presence. "What the heck is going on man? Well I know it's about Nadine. If you really feel something for her you should tell her...I mean...it's ok to love Kevin." he patted him on the back as Kevin turned to look at him.

"I can't...I'll just break her heart and mine in the process. I don't have much time, and if I don't let her know how I feel...then she'll just hate me and the pain won't last that long."

Brian nodded, uncertain of his cousin's decision. "Man...you're working on this album with us, you've got Amanda by your side...for what reason I'm not sure, but she is here, all you need is the girl that you love...for whatever time you DO have. Just think about it...ok...we are heading out to another meeting...we'll see you when we get back."

"Oh Sarah I don't remember what house it is...they all look alike. Wait a minute, it's that one on the corner." Nadine smiled as she recognized the familiar territory.

"Well good for a second there I thought you were pretending to not know...cause you were chickening out." Sarah pulled in as a black Lincoln pulled out.

"Alright so go and get your prince charming I'll wait here."

Nadine exited the car and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.

There was a knock at the door "Come in" Kevin yelled as he sat on the end of his bed. His eyes went wide when he saw her standing in the doorway.

"Hi. I came to see how you are doing."

"Hey there...come on in."

She took a seat next to him, "I'm sorry about all the things being said in those magazines Kevin. It's so horrible to have your life out in the open. That's why I left the first time...it was just too much to take in, you know."

He smiled at her "Yeah I kind of understand Amanda."

Nadine knocked on the door as Nurse Lorie opened. "Hey there sweetie, we've missed you around here...and between us...so has he."

Nadine smiled "I miss you guys too. Is he here? I really need to talk to him." She gave Nadine's shoulder a squeeze and pointed towards his room. 

"Listen, I want to make you feel better..." Amanda caressed Kevin's face as she leaned in, he paused for a second as she reassured him. "It's ok Kevin..." Slowly she kissed him and it brought a quick rush of all the feelings he'd had for her at one point in his life. It felt nice to have her lips touching his, although all he could think about was Nadine.

Nadine didn't bother knocking and just walked in, but as she entered a horrible feeling hit her in the pit of the stomach. "Oh...um...I'm sorry..."

He stood up quickly as he looked at Amanda and then Nadine. Although he was more than happy to see her and pretty saddened by the circumstances, he wanted to stand his ground. "What are you doing here?"

Amanda quickly excused herself.

"Well it's just that I was coming to...check on you...I read the magazines and the TV is just going crazy..." She wanted to hug him, but she felt angry. What a fool she was to think that he could feel anything for her.

"Well I'm doing good as you can see." He coldly responded, but deep down he just wanted to hug her and let her know that Amanda meant nothing.

She chuckled nervously "Yeah I see that...that's great..."

He smirked, he was still hurt by what he had seen the last time, "So are you here to see Nick and AJ too..."

Nadine faked a laugh. "Very funny...but nothing happened that night, Kevin. It was all just a misunderstanding."

Kevin looked away, "Nadine I said it before; it doesn't matter to me who or what you do."

She walked over to him and grabbed his arm and spun him around. "Why can't you just say something nice to me for once...why?" 

"That night I really wanted to be with you...but I couldn't and it didn't even have anything to do with you...it was me. You want to know the truth? Fine, it's the chemo, the radiotherapy and all the medication...it doesn't let me physically function. Happy?"

She imagined that was the reason in the first place, it wasn't a big deal to her. "That's all you had to say. It didn't matter to me..."

He looked away again, ashamed of his circumstances. "For what? So you could make fun of me...I don't think so...it doesn't matter anymore."

"Since the first day I met you, you have been an ass. Yet, I tolerated it because I knew that deep down inside you were a caring man. I've been nothing but nice to you, but all you do is treat everyone like it's our fault this is happening." Kevin was silent as she continued her rant. "I can't handle it anymore. I should really get going...you look fine to me..." She began to walk out into the hallway.

"Nadine...wait..." Her heart skipped a beat as she heard his voice. Hoping that he was sorry and that he didn't want her to leave.

"Yes" She turned around to face him.

His face was stern and his voice cold. "Please don't look for me again...I'm ok...and I'm going to be ok. I want you to live your life far away from me." He was saying it, but deep down his heart was breaking. She shook her head and walked away. He watched until she disappeared down the hall. Kevin took a seat on the bed and covered his face with his hands. 

He felt so much pain.