Let Me Keep You

Chapter Two

"Of course, Dean."

Cas could see how Dean released a breath, his shoulders, though still tense, sagging in momentary relief.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Dean turned towards his room, taking a hesitant step down the hallway, but not without casting a cautious glance back at Cas to make sure the angel was following. Their steps echoed on the floor, the strained silence laying heavily on Cas' ears after the heated argument from before. Dean opened the door to his room, stepping aside to let the angel in. Cas came to stand awkwardly next to the unmade bed, watching as Dean let the door fall closed with a final thud.

Dean breathed in, breathed out. He looked a little more relaxed as soon as the door was shut, and Cas understood, even though they both knew there was no material barrier in the world Dean could have put up that would have kept the angel from leaving.

No. There were no chains, no walls that would hold him if he didn't want to be maintained. But that didn't mean Dean had no power over him. Quite the contrary. Dean was the only one who could still find ways and means to make Cas stray from his set path. Cas had always known this man would be his undoing.

"Cas..."

It was those eyes, those words, that soul. Dean's very being was dangerous to him, begging him to turn from his mission, to return home. And Cas' heart was already raging against his mind, longing to give in and follow Dean's pleas, stay by his side and give him anything he asked.

"Please. Please, don't do it." Dean stepped towards him, sitting down on the edge of the bed and gesturing for Cas to join him. "We're gonna find another way, together."

Cas sighed, but he sat down anyway.

What else was he supposed to do. Dean had asked him to.

"Dean..."

"Please, Cas. I can't...fuck." Dean trailed off, his hand clutching at the edge of the mattress, balling the sheets in his fist. "Look, man, I know I'm being selfish here, but I need you to stop this. You know I'm usually the first to jump into the damn flames if need be, but just this once, I-" The hand that wasn't holding onto the bed came up to rub over Dean's tired face. "Aren't I always ready to sacrifice everything for this damn mess of a planet?", Dean asked then, and yes, of course, that was Cas' whole point, that-

"Yes", the angel agreed. "And that's why you shouldn't be the one having to sacrifice yourself this time, Dean. You've already given so much. Too much. Let me be the one to pay that price for once...so you don't have to."

Dean let out a disbelieving laugh, shaking his head to himself.

"You don't get it, do you?" The corner of Dean's lips curled up in a sad smile. "This ain't about saving my worthless life."

"But it is!", Cas replied, following the urge to reach out and touch, placing a hand just above Dean's knee. "At least to me. You're not worthless, Dean. And I can't let you die." I couldn't bear it, couldn't live through eternity without you. "Please. Let me do this. Because you...you need to live."

"Well maybe I don't wanna live." Dean looked at him, his voice suddenly empty and cold. "Not without you."

And of all the things Cas would have expected Dean to say, with all the reasons he knew were clouding Dean's head, all the lies that could have driven him to throw away all care, throw away his life - it hadn't been that.

Cas stared, lost for words.

"I can't do it, Cas", Dean went on, the desperation returning to his voice. "You can't leave again. You can't. Look, we- I can't lose you again, Cas, I just can't."