Snapped

Chapter 1: The Snap Occurs

"Scared Potter?" Malfoy sneered, and Harry snapped. He was done, finished, fed up with playing the innocent little Gryffindor with no common sense and a microscopic amount of intelligence. He rolled his eyes.

"Why yes Malfoy, I'm terrified, can't you see me quaking in my boots? You, a second year child armed with a stick is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Please, please don't fatally injure me in front of three hundred witnesses and two teachers with your mean words and nasty smiles. Whatever shall I do?" The entire hall fell silent and Malfoy gaped. Harry smirked. Lockhart looked entirely bemused, and he thought Snape might be holding back a laugh.

"On the count of three, then," Lockhart said. "One, two, three."

"Serpensortia!" Malfoy cried, and a large and certainly venomous snake poured out from his wand. An eastern brown snake, Harry thought.

"Where am I? Attack!" it cried, and lunged toward him.

"Stop," Harry commanded, deciding to see if he could give Snape an aneurysm. The snake rose to inspect him.

"A speaker?"

"Yes. I will provide you with food and warmth, and in return you will not bite me." The snake uncoiled, then slithered toward him.

"Agreed."

"Don't worry my boy, I'll sort it out!" Lockhart cried. He raised his wand.

"Expelliarmus," Harry hissed, and snatched Lockhart's wand out the air. "You really are a fool." Lockhart looked gobsmacked and he could almost hear Hermione's gasp of horror. He knelt before the snake and it coiled around his arm and up his body.

"Male or female?" he hissed.

"Female. Obviously."

"Thank you Malfoy. I'll be keeping her." Malfoy was gaping. "Expelliarmus," Harry said again, and received Malfoy's wand for his trouble. Snape pursed his mouth. Harry threw their wands onto the floor.

"I win." He grinned and hopped off the duelling platform.

"My name's Harry," he told the snake. "What's yours? What do you like to eat?"

"I am Baneofallrodents," Harry was summarily informed. "I eat rodents."

"Harry!" Hermione cried. "How could you disarm and insult a teacher?"

"Lockhart is an imbecile, not a teacher," he said with a smirk, and she gaped.

"Harry! You can't say that!"

"I can. I just did."

She pouted.

"Heya mate! You're not actually keeping the snake? And why didn't you tell us you could speak parselmouth?" Ron said.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I am a parselmouth, and I speak parseltongue. And you never told us that you spoke idiot, yet you manage to prove it every time you open your mouth."

As if to prove him right, Ron frowned, and then gaped as he figured out the insult. "Hey!"

"Is for horses." Out the corner of his eye Harry could see Hermione giggling.

"Huh?"

Harry sighed. "Don't you worry your pea sized brain. To the common room?" They strode off. It was rather easy to make way through the crowds with a snake wrapped around him. People seemed to be afraid of it, for some reason.

Harry was later summoned to the Headmaster's office, whereupon he was faced with McGonagall, Snape and Dumbledore.

"Harry, Harry, it's good to see you. Are you well and keeping up with your studies?"