Snapped

Chapter 8: When Harry Met Sally

"How do we get out of here?" Harry asked Baneofallrodents.

"Through that door," Baneofallrodents nodded toward a circular wooden door. It was covered by engravings of snakes, and several years' worth of grime.

"Great," Harry grumbled. "Open." Nothing happened. "Open up. King Snake. Salazar. Salazar Slytherin." The snakes on the door came to life, and one by one slithered off the doorway, unlocking with several ominous snicks. The door creaked open. Harry watched warily for even a flicker of movement that might suggest there was an enormous basilisk waiting to petrify him with its gaze, or just eat him, and stepped through.

On the other side was a long, dimly lit chamber. Stone pillars entwined with serpents towered above him, the ceiling lost in darkness. There was an occasional plop of dripping water, and a rasping noise that echoed, amplified by the vast space.

"Who dares enter Salazar Slytherin's sacred study?" a low voice hissed. Harry froze, jamming his eyes shut, heart pounding in his chest.

"Hello Sally! It's Baneofallrodents, and my human." There was a long pause.

"Oh hey Baneofallrodents. Did you bring me any snacks?"

Harry burst into hysterical laughter.

"What's wrong with your human?" the basilisk – Sally – asked.

"He's always like this."

It took Harry several moments to catch his breath. Eventually he got a hold of himself, and nodded in the direction of the voice.

"Hello Sally," Harry hissed. "My name is Hassa."

"I call him master." Baneofallrodents informed Sally.

"My only master is Salazar Slytherin, and his heirs. Hassa will suffice," Sally hissed. "You may open your eyes, little human. Mine are shielded and will not harm you." Harry opened his eyes, and stared at the floor. Slowly, he raised gaze to first take in Sally's enormous length, easily thirty feet in length, her scales a vivid iridescent green. He forced his eye up further, warily noting Sally's teeth, as long as any sword. Then, he met her eyes.

He could immediately see that there was a thin veil over them, and he bowed without a thought. He'd met a basilisk's gaze and survived!

"You are magnificent," he said honestly. And terrifying, he added in the privacy of his own mind.

"Thank you, little human. Next time you come, you may bring me snacks."

"I'll do that." Harry wondered what a basilisk liked to snack on. "Why did you attack those children?" Harry asked cautiously. Sally roared and he immediately flinched back.

"I was commanded by Slytherin's heir. I did not kill them. They will recover!" Harry bowed again.

"Of course. My apologies." Sally's tail flicked, and then moved slowly toward him. Harry kept very still. Sally wrapped it around him, like it was another snake.

"Slytherin's heir has not come in a long time. All is well," she soothed him.

"I told you she was friendly." Baneofallrodents hissed from where she was hidden beneath Sally's tail.

"It was lovely to meet you, Sally, but I'm afraid my friends are probably missing me. Is there any way for me to get out of here?" Harry asked the thought that had been plaguing his mind since he'd fallen down the tunnel. He was hungry. Sally hissed in what sounded like amusement.

"Come." He followed her through another set of tunnels, until they reached a pipe like the one he'd fallen down. "Perch on my head, and I shall lift you up." Harry cautiously climbed up her frame, and Sally lifted them up through the tunnel.

"Open." Harry scrambled onto a tiled floor. He turned back to look Sally in the eye.

"Harry!" someone shrieked.

"Thank you," he hissed. Sally disappeared back down. "Close."

"Harry! Was that a basilisk?" Hermione yelled. Harry grinned sheepishly at her.

"Yeah. She's called Sally. We're friends now."

"You can't befriend a basilisk!" Hermione exclaimed. Harry shrugged.

"We're in a crack fic, Hermione. It's expected."

"What?" Hermione said, her brow wrinkled. Harry shook his head.

"Don't worry dear. Oh, look! A stack of books!" Hermine perked up, and her nose flared, like a hound with a scent.

"Books?" She swivelled around and broke the sound barrier to reach the pile of tomes upon the floor next to her.

"You must have dropped them." He helped her pick them up. A glance around showed that he was in a bathroom.

"Oh my! A boy in a girl's bathroom! You shouldn't be here." Moaning Myrtle floated out of a toilet and Harry bit back a sigh. At least that answered the question of which bathroom.

"I was looking for you," Harry lied. "I heard that there was a beautiful ghost haunting one of the bathrooms, and I just had to see for myself."

"Oh my!" Myrtle moaned. She blushed, and flew into the toilet, splashing water everywhere.

"You're a fiend, Harry Potter!" Hermione cried with a huff, flicking water out of her eyes, and stalked out of the room. Harry grinned, and trailed after her, winking at Malfoy who was gawping at them as they left the bathroom.

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"Sir! Potter just come out of a girls' toilet! A girls' toilet!" Draco cried. Severus hit him with a silencing charm, and walked away. Someone would remove it... at some point. Wouldn't they?

He continued on his way to the Headmaster's office. The gargoyle stepped aside after he snapped out the password. "Acid pops." Minerva and Black were already waiting for him.

Albus was sitting at his desk, looking omniscient as always, stroking his beard.

"Well Severus, this is an unexpected surprise. I must I never thought I'd see the day that you would voluntarily spend time in close proximity to Sirius. Lemon drop, anyone?"

"None of your nonsense Albus!" Minerva snapped, and wacked Albus over the head with her wand. "I've just about had enough of your foolish behaviour lately." Severus hid a smirk as Black gaped. Albus merely blinked in surprise.

"Apologies, Minerva," Albus said, although he seemed unsure as to what he was apologising for.

"Harry found this in a girls' toilet," Black said, and placed the remains of the horcrux diary on the table. Albus' grandfatherly facade vanished in an instant. "It was a horcrux, and we think it was responsible for possessing a child and opening the Chamber of Secrets." Albus began casting several diagnostic spells, a frown firmly fixed upon his face.

"What I would like to know is how the wards failed to detect such a dark device!" Minerva growled.

"Alas, of late the Board of Governors has refused to allow me to update the wards, and as such, they are falling into disrepair. We don't have the budget for it."

"Well that's a load of bullshit," Black said, echoing Severus' thoughts.

"That's outrageous!" Minerva exclaimed.

"I believe Lucius is likely to have had a hand in this," Severus murmured.

"Really..." Black muttered, then an evil grin spread over his face. "Well, I suppose we'll just have to beat him at his own game. Leave this to me." Severus shuddered as Black stalked out of the room.

"Harry seems to be a positive influence on him," Minerva remarked fondly. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"Certainly," Albus said.

"I suppose Black is minutely less odious than he was in his youth," Severus allowed.