Inhale

11.

"Well, I can't describe her exactly—except to say that she was beautiful. She was—tremendously alive." -F. Scott Fitzgerald.

(A/N: if you have read this far, I have to express my gratitude! This story is incredibly experimental, and I am still finding my style and voice. Thank-you!!)

(A/N 2: Later in this chapter, Ellie and Julian have a conversation about relationships. It is slightly more serious in tone and Julian is not always kind to himself. Take care while reading and take care of yourselves!)

"How on earth did you find all of this out?"

Josiah was laying under his covers, and staring at me with wide eyes. His surprise of the words was quickly overwhelmed by the fact that I had said them, and he became extremely curious for my sources. In truth, I was surprised myself that he didn't know. Josiah saw more of Kaspar than I ever did.

"I don't know for sure. But Kaspar suspected Price first, which was odd since I didn't think they were that close."

Josiah nodded. "Toby lurks around with Kaspar's crowd sometimes, but I thought maybe he owed them something. Kaspar doesn't even notice he's there."

I mulled this over for a minute. "Maybe that's intentional."

Josiah propped himself up on one elbow. "How so?"

"Well," I said, "The easiest way to hide that you might like someone is to not pay them any mind at all." I stared at the ceiling and Josiah stared at me as I spoke. "With Kaspar's character it's not unusual behaviour at all. I'm sure he's scared that someone will print that he's...well."

"Gay." Josiah finished. I nodded without looking at him. "Or," he continued, "maybe he's AC/DC, like Jordan."

The laugh that left my chest sounded hollow and breakable. "Nobody says that anymore, Jo."

"Well, they should."

"Touché...Jordan swings both ways?" I asked him.

A sheepish look crossed his features, an unnatural expression on him. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. But it's you, so it's alright. You wouldn't tell anyone."

"No, no. Course not."

"Will you print it? About Kaspar?" something trembled in his voice.

"No. That's cruel."

Josiah sighed deeply, in a way that expressed both tiredness and understanding. "You're a good soul, Jules." He paused. An urge to tell him that it was basic respect crossed me, but I stalled. He knew that already. He was simply stating a thought. My stomach clenched involuntarily. "But what makes you think something was going on between them?"

"Do you know where Kaspar's room is?" Josiah paused. He shook his head, no. "Do you know Jordan's? Or even Evette's or Ellie's? Anyone on the team?"

Josiah thought for a moment. "I mean not off the top of my head, definitely."

I nodded. "Kaspar knew which room was Toby's. He went there first and cussed him out. Called him a snake."

"Well that's to be expected...who told you?"

"Ellie."

"The sneaky bint."

Josiah stood, stretching his arms high above his head. The sun was beginning to peer through the clouds just slightly, apprehensive. A soft tan line was just visible as he stretched and his shirt shifted. The previous tone of the conversation muted abruptly. Sometimes he seemed totally out of place, with his sun-kissed skin and wide grin. Nobody shared the sentiment that being at school was as exciting as he believed it. Nobody else smiled at the thought of getting someplace busy, milling and buzzing with people.