Hidden under nightmares

Chapter one

Cas has been human for a few months now and, all things considered, he was adjusting to his new way of life pretty well. It was a slow and difficult path but Sam and Dean did all they could so he didn't have to face it alone.

The fall had been hard, crushing for all the angels but Castiel, he didn't just lose his wings. He lost everything, he lost all that made him an angel, all that made him, him.

He said this to Dean and Sam, one drunken night about a week or so after he became a permanent resident in the bunker. A sad sigh had left his lips, his voice was heavy with pain. "I've lost it all, everything I am is gone. I have nothing left."

Sam had reached over to put a comforting hand on the fallen angel's shoulder, Dean had walked out.

After that the 2 men had fallen into silence. They had continued to drink, until Sam was ready for bed. The hunter had risen from the table and headed to the door before he threw a quiet goodbye over his shoulder. Sam had then stopped at the door and turned back to face the room, "you're wrong", he started. "You've lost a lot but you haven't lost what makes you, you. You haven't lost everything." He then watched Cas lower his head towards the table, nodded to himself and left.

Cas sat in those words.

He knew Sam was right; Cas hadn't lost everything, he hadn't lost himself and he hadn't lost Sam and Dean. He felt a sense of gratefulness as he considered what he hadn't lost, as he considered what he had gained. Dean walking out, Sam speaking up, both were saying the same thing. In the grand scheme of things, Castiel realised he had really lost only very little.

*

The weeks after that night trickled them by, leaving it behind, seemingly forgotten by the three men. They settled into life together comfortably, it felt natural to all three of them. Cas had always had a room in the bunker, he had always had a right to call it home, the only difference now was that it was more permanent.

The first few weeks after the fall Castiel was mainly left at home. He was still struggling with adjusting to his new life. More than once when the boys were heading out, leaving him behind, he huffed. More than once he was reminded that he needed to get used to being a human before he got to be a hunter too.

And they were right, he knew they were right. Being human is hard and it is unpredictable. Humans need the bathroom and sleep and to brush their teeth, none of which came naturally to Castiel.

At first, Cas would forget to eat until he was struck with stomach cramps that would have him bent in two. In days where he had forgotten he needed to sleep he'd find himself being softly woken by Dean in the kitchen or library or garage. It was hard and it was frustrating but the Winchesters were nothing but kind to him. They didn't mock him when they saw him struggle or complain when he forgot things. Dean had gotten very good at not laughing at Castiel's 'daft' questions. Sam had become quite the teacher with a brilliant knack of showing cas different and new things he wouldn't of even thought about.

*

The first hunt he went on, it was all three of them. The training wheels were well and truly set in place.

It went well, the entire time Cas strived to impress his friends, to prove he was just as useful as before. The only difference was that he was more nervous than before, more hesitant, although he did his best to not let it show. The knowledge that he no longer had his grace to fall back on loomed over him, made him wary.

He confided this to Dean on the way back to the bunker after the hunt, while Sam slept in the back. Dean had looked away from the road, smiled at him, told him that caution was a smart and human approach to the job and that he should be proud of the way he had kicked the vampire's ass.

Dean's confidence in Castiel drove his own confidence in himself and so the next hunt they went on Cas leant into his wariness, allowing it to guide him to make the right calls.

By the fifth hunt he was heading out with Dean alone, Sam opting to stay back and 'have a weekend to himself'. He waved them off from the library, "if you need me" he started to shout after them only to be interrupted by Dean's mocking "yeah yeah. Bye sammy."

Cas felt good about this hunt, it had been a long few months but he felt like a feeling of normality was creeping up on them. He was adjusting to the rhythm of his new life, finally finding comfort in it.

The case sounded like a nice and simple ghost. A motel, a few hours out from the bunker, had a string of guests reporting multiple thefts, along with 2 deaths and 1 missing in the past 3 weeks. No prints, no camera footage, nothing. Big enough to be investigated, small enough to take the training wheels off Cas.