Hidden under nightmares

Chapter five

Dean gets up to shower, to wash off the day.

He comes out of the bathroom and grabs his shoes, keys and jacket. He tells Cas he's going for a food run, he'll be half an hour. Cas nods and heads to the shower.

After he sits on the bed, going over the events of the day.

It's the first time he has ever felt that afraid, that defenseless.

It's the first time Cas has ever prayed, and he prayed to Dean.

He smiles, if he could trust anyone to ever answer his prayers, it would always be Dean. How fortunate he is to have that certainty. How fortunate he is to have Dean.

Dean doesn't just come back with takeout. He comes back with beer and whiskey and plenty of it. A celebration he laughs at Cas when the ex-angel squints his eyes at the bags he's carrying.

And so they eat and they drink and they enjoy each other's company until both can feel the alcohol floating around their brains.

"I'm really proud of you on this trip, Cas." he pauses to take a drink, "I'm proud of you everyday. You suffered a huge loss and everyday you get up and you fight and you do what you have to do." Cas doesn't respond, just smiles and takes another drink.

The men sit in silence for another moment before Dean takes another breath, deciding to change the subject slightly. "You were a lot braver than me on my first proper hunt. I ever told you about it?"

Cas looks up at Dean and shakes his head.

He knows of it. He has seen shards of it in Deans nightmares, but Dean has never talked about it in front of him.

"I was just 17 and it was 2 ghosts, nuns who had been in love, suicide. Unfinished business. It was a straightforward hunt. I'd hunted ghosts before but this time the training wheels were well and truly off. I spent a couple of days on the case, looking for what was holding them to earth. Eventually found a bible under the floorboards, a gift that one had given to the other. Soon as I found it the room went full paranormal activity. I felt like all the rock salt in the world wasn't going to save me and I lost sight of the bible"

Dean takes in a long drink, "Cas I thought I was done for. One of them was coming for me and the look in her eye, man, I thought it was going to be the last thing I ever saw." The hunter pauses again, looking down at his bottle. "Then the other one grabbed her hand, turned her away from me. I have no idea why. Before I gave them a second to think I threw myself towards the bible and I managed to get it alight."

He stops as if waiting for Cas to say something but his friend remains silent.

"It was so strange. I had watched so many times as ghosts went up in flames screaming, but these two. They just stood there looking at me, holding hands." Cas puts a hand on Dean's upper arm as if to comfort him. Dean shakes it off and continues, "I walked out of there, got back to my motel room and all but collapsed. I couldn't shift myself out of bed and every time I closed my eyes I could see them. I don't know why, there's no reason for the hunt to hit me like that. When dad picked me up the next day I shrugged it off, told him it was nothing but that man could read me. He didn't send me on any solo hunts for a bit after that, he never said anything but i think he was disappointed in me."

Cas could feel the anger rising in him at Deans last comment, but breathed through it, knowing it wouldn't help.

"You handled something very intense at a young age Dean. You should be proud of yourself. I was terrified today and I knew I had you looking out for me. You were all but a child and you did it alone. Not many could come out of that still standing, but you did."

They drift back into quiet drinking.

Cas has recently been priding himself on picking up social cues and he notices Dean's uncomfortable body language so, before Dean has a chance to say anything else, he changes the subject, "So, you promised to teach me how to hack into computers when we get back to the bunker."

Dean groans and moves to put his feet up onto the table, thankful for the change in topic. "Sammy is better than I am. I'm sure you'd learn more from him than me." Cas smiles and shakes his head, "No. You promised, you have to teach me, no handing me off to Sam." Cas looks at Dean with a small smirk on his face. He watches as the hunter rolls his eyes, "Alright, fine, fine." he smiles at his friend, "it'll cost you beer, burgers and 3 movies of my choice."

It's Castiel's turn to roll his eyes.

He takes a second to drink the last of his bottle before leaning forward, arms resting on the table, "If that's the price I better make the most of you putting your teacher's head on. You can finally show me how to 'properly drive and look after baby'" he ends his sentence imitating Dean.

The hunter tries to glare at the ex-angel as he tells him he's pushing it, but the laughter rumbling from him is contagious and suddenly they're both laughing. They carry on a light conversation poking fun at each other until their sides hurt and their faces ache from smiling.

Cas grows tired first, the long day all of a sudden hitting him at once and exhausting him.

As if reading Cas's mind, Dean drinks the last of his beer and they both start getting ready for bed.

They shuffling about the motel room does not mix well with the amount of alcohol travelling through their systems and both have to keep pausing to steady themselves between their wobbly, slow movements. They get into bed, both giggling at the state of the other one, teasing each other on the bad heads they'll have tomorrow.

The lights go off. They mumble their goodnights into the darkness.

And just before either drifts off to sleep Dean's voice breaks through the silence. "Cas, so you know, knowing you has been the best part of my life too." And then sleep washed over them both.