#34

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In hindsight, Eli should have known the relative peace he'd enjoyed for more the past few months couldn't last.

He'd managed to escape the clutches of his mother, who was already planning a wedding Eli would rather not think about. It was a harrowing ordeal that involved a lot of bone-crushing hugs and kisses that left Eli's face covered in a very specific tone of pink that would no doubt haunt his nightmares for the foreseeable future. Eli wouldn't have minded so much if his mother didn't invest in high quality makeup that was incredibly long lasting.

Just when he was sure he would get some peace and quiet at home, he was reminded of the existence of Matthew in his life. He would have said it was unfortunate, but recent choices made it clear he didn't really mean that. Eli still sometimes wondered if he wouldn't regret marrying the idiot a few years down the line.

Eli had hoped that Matthew wouldn't be as weird about the whole marriage thing as he was about everything else. Especially as he healed up enough to start preparing for his—as he described it—triumphant return as Vigilante. Eli didn't know if he could call it that after he'd nearly died but decided not to bother pointing it out. Especially if it distracted Matthew. Of course, he was wrong.

"How do you feel about a beach wedding?" Matthew asked from the couch in a voice that made it sound like an amazing idea that wouldn't end in Eli's death.

"Sure, if you want me to burn to death," Eli replied immediately as he fixed up Good Matthew's food. The cat was waiting by his feet, as if he just had to supervise Eli and make sure it was all done to his strict standards.

"Well, when you put it like that," Matthew muttered. He continued scrolling through his phone for wedding ideas. "Huh, maybe we should go for a themed wedding."

"No masks," Eli said as he walked over to his cat's favorite feeding spot.

"You're no fun," Matthew muttered. "Maybe I should call your mom. I bet she'd love to talk about wedding planning."

"I will divorce you."

"Well, we'll need a wedding first so what do you think about cake flavors?"

Eli let out a truly exhausted groan and hoped to God work would provide a reprieve from, well, Matthew. Of course, that was not to be.

Michael was a pox upon Eli's life. It was a truth he'd come to accept about a year into his unfortunate employment. It was also a truth that had become ever more apparent as time wore on. Especially after Matthew came into the picture and proceeded to ruin things even further.

Sometimes, Eli sincerely wondered if the two of them weren't just separated at birth. Two people that irritating could not possibly have come from two entirely different bloodlines. He refused to believe that whatever entity ruled over their fates could be that cruel. Then again, he'd set them both on track to annoy Eli to an early grave, so maybe he was being overly optimistic.

In any case, Eli really shouldn't have been that surprised that work turned out to be far from the reprieve he'd hoped for.

"All I'm saying is it might be worth it to have some quality coffee to keep people awake."

"Oh, and I suppose you'd be providing the quality coffee." Eli didn't know why he was entertaining Michael's attempt to squeeze some money out of him.

"At a reasonable price!" Eli doubted it.

"Yeah, no, we'll pass." Eli continued sweeping and hoped Michael would shut up. Which he should have known better than to expect, to be honest.

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