Lust For You • Lana Del Rey

I

2017

The weather was a killer. I've lived here all my life, yet I'm never prepared for how cruel the summers can be. The only thing in my body not sweating were my hands. I rinse the cool water off. Freezing my fingers as much as I can until I get the chance to again. I tilt my head at the translucent drops that roll off my index finger.

It's funny how the littlest of things can draw me in.

"Hello????" A sound pounds on the door. With my knuckles held tightly against the ceramic sink, I breathe.

"Give me a minute."

"Its been 10, c'mon we're waiting here!"

I feel my tongue glide against my top lip, not even recognizing the look of anger off my face. I wasn't even angry. More like tired. I grab the few things I had littered around the sink. I open the hot door knob, crinkling my fingers.

"Next time, ask politely." I scowl to the woman in front of me, she simply rolls her eyes.

Being homeless in Los Angeles had it's downfalls, yet perks. There was always a 7/11 toilet lingering, but there was also a depressing thick fog around. You couldn't see it, but you sure could feel it.

Los Angeles was my home. I mean not "Home" but it was home to me. I reach for my packet of cigarettes. The other fog that claimed my head if you will. The sun was out full force.

"Got a light?" I wave to a bum beside me. Funny how I called them a "Bum", technically they're my neighbor. With my lit cigarette in hand, anything is possible, Its Los Angeles after all.

Everything I own was in my back pocket.

I spot my favorite place. The rich slip as I call it. It's where naive wealthy people love to park. A little secret between you and me. These rich fuckers are just as prude about their money than some other fella. They don't want to pay parking for an hour on their Bentley, so they use this strip.

I see it as a goldmine.

Like holding a piece of candy in front a baby. They're bound to get a lick or two. As I'm standing surveying the strip, I see a sleek black Ferrari California. Beautiful I must say. I stand back, not wanting to create any suspiciousness. A female with long blonde hair steps out of the passenger seat. A large camera in her hands. I narrow my eyes slightly, the sun beaming through the strands of hair I have dangling from my torn baseball cap.

That's when the driver steps out. The whole encounter happening in slow motion. I would've blamed the come down of drugs for that, but I think it was how I perceived her.

She closed the door slowly. Her long brunette hair trailing down her back. A slight highlight of light brown at the end of her locks. She too had a baseball cap on.

We had something In common there.

The two women walked across the street into the various shops. Biting my lip I move closer. I see the blink of her car, indicating she locked it. I bite my lip, feeling like a child who know's they're about to do something bold.

The black truck has been siting there for at least 30 minutes now. I nearly think the opportunity was handed to me. Playing with my hands, I keep staring at that damn truck.

I look both ways, I make sure not to stand out. I take my hoodie off and grab a small rock. Placing the rock in my jacket, I bang slightly against the back window of the truck. It takes a few tries but eventually, it cracks and smashes.

A sliver of guilt passes through me as I remember the brunette woman who stepped out of it, not even 30 minutes before, it looked like an expensive car, but fuck it.

I needed to eat.

I slide in through the back. I can't see anything yet. A packet of Pall Mall sit above the dashboard. That's when I see a black backpack under the seat.

"Bingo" I whisper.

I grab it and head through the smashed opening, cutting my hand in the process. A small trail of blood drops onto the leather seats. I lick the blood off my palm quickly and shove the backpack on my shoulder. I try my best to act casual.

I walk to where I'm situated for the night. Unzipping my tent, I put the backpack down in front of me. "Don't let me down."

Cracking my knuckles I reach inside, I stop in my tracks. I've hit a fucking goldmine. I see a silver Mac Book staring right at me. I've never used one of these things before. I don't even know what any of the buttons mean. I push the bag aside and carefully put the laptop on my legs.

I open it and another wave of guilt passes. The screen in front is a picture of, what I can guess,

a family.

An elderly and young man, and two women. The dark haired girl who I saw earlier, she's smiling brightly. They're at the beach and right behind them is a beautiful sunset. The pixels making it hard to really see what she looks like.

I sigh putting my head in my hands. "You're a piece of shit." I whisper.

For laptops like these, I could sell it for a good few hundred. I know a few dodgy places who'll buy it without question.

I purse my brows in front and stare at the keyboard. I never went to school, so I've never used a laptop, and was never the best at reading or writing. It's funny as that's what I'm most embarrassed by, not being able to do such "basic skills", yet I here I am sitting in a tent under a freeway. I know how to write my name, but that still comes with a struggle.

Jenny. That's my name.

I stare at the jumbled letters in front. How do I even work this? I smack the screen lightly at the side.

Maybe that'll do it?

I hover my finger over the buttons, unsure on what to press. Licking my lips with concentration , I randomly place my finger down on a button with an arrow, and viola!

Seriously? No password? That brunette woman really has to UP her game.

It opens to a screen with a bunch of files, think that's what you call them? I start attacking the keyboard with my fingers. Nearly playing a fun game until something happens.

I jolt slightly as a video pops up and starts playing.

It's the brunette.

She's set the camera to where I can see her standing by a microphone. She glances into my eyes making my heart beat quicken.

"Okay!" She giggles.

I hover back, nearly thinking she's talking to me in real time.

"My first video diary! Well......my name is Elizabeth Grant. Or Lana Del Rey." She pauses and smirks.

"And today I'm recording my...." She stops for a second. Looking up she furrows her brows.

"This is track number 9?............ 9 right?" She smiles confused to an unknown person out of frame.

"OK, number 9 it is. I'm so excited to record this album. I haven't had this much fun in a long time." She grins sheepishly setting up her mic.

"I think I'm ready to go" She nods giving a thumbs up.

She glances again at the camera with a shy smile. She brushes her hair out of the way while placing headphones on.

I sit in silence as she starts singing a beautiful melody.

"Cause we're the masters of our own fate
We're the captains of our own souls
So there's no need for us to hesitate
We're all alone, let's take control,"

My throat runs dry. I snap the laptop shut, looking into blank space for what feels like forever.

Lana.

Lana Del Rey, what a beautiful name, for a beautiful woman.

I've stolen something precious. I have to give it back.

I have to.