Lust For You • Lana Del Rey

II

2017

It's been a week and I still haven't done a thing about the laptop. I've been in a funk. Why would I let a woman plague my thoughts? I can picture her long brown hair trailing down her back. Her back, it was so slender. Her hands. Her damn hands. She had long nails pointing right in the sunlight.

I don't even know who she is. I know her name, but what if she's a bad person? What if she doesn't even know her laptop is missing, and she could buy a new one like that.

Why would someone leave something so expensive in a car, or let alone OWN one. It's bizarre to me. Sometimes I have a war in my mind.

If I do give it back, what If she mistook my kindness for weakness? I don't want to come across as weak, I want to be strong. I am strong.

I lick my lips staring at the screen. Its pitch black, maybe I broke it?

I hit the machine in the side slightly. The same picture comes up, of the happy family at the beach. I press the same arrow button again and it opens. I sigh deeply, trying to understand how this works. I scroll through a bunch of numbers on a square picture. I don't know what the terminology is for things like this. I can barely read or write my own name.

I fidget with a few buttons, until a sounds starts to play,

"I went to Paris, Texas,
With a suitcase in my hand
I had to leave
Knew they wouldn't understandWhen you know, you know
When you know, you know
It's time, it's time to go
When you know, you know
Then the more you know
It's time to go"

I lift my hand up to my mouth with a hitch. Maybe I was wrong this whole time. Could you she see me through this device? I felt as if she was singing to me. She was obviously writing a song, or an album even. These words went right through me, my past merging in my head as the song kept playing. I left everything behind, I didn't have a choice.

She saw me.

Closing the laptop, I knew what I had to do.

⚢

"You can read right?" I furrowed my brows.

"Yeah, but not completely. Why?" My friend Thomas answered.

We were sitting on a Sixth street right by the large bridge, cars zooming past us. "I need you to tell me what this says" I comment rummaging through my backpack.

I get the laptop open, hitting it on the side, as usual. "Tell me everything it says" I smile handing it to him.

"Fucking hell where did you get this?" He gasped grabbing it tightly and examining it.

"Doesn't matter, just tell me." I clasp my hands kicking my feet.

Thomas looks at me suspiciously, he knew I couldn't have bought this. "Alright. What do you want me to read?"

I lean in slightly. Random words taking over my vision. They look all the same."This, what's this say?" I squint my eyes.

Thomas follows my actions, he puts his hands over the words I want him to say. The screen darkening slightly."Eh it says, In- Intur- INTERSCOPE, I'm not sure. Inter-scope rec..., records?" He mumbles trying to interpret it.

"Inter-scope records. What's that?" I look down confused, I've never heard that word before.

"Wait I know, I think It's that person famous singers are friends with, ya know like Eminem? He's friends with them. Whenever I see his CD in the store, Inter-Scope is always on the packaging. Inter-scope must be a real famous person."

"Inter-scope. Alright. Does he have a home address? Maybe he'll know Lan- the woman this belongs to" I cough looking ahead.

Thomas looks at me weirdly. "Let me check." Thomas presses a few buttons, before smiling. "What? Did you find their address?? Do they live in Los Angeles??" I change my posture nearly sitting up.

Thomas smiles, "Not only does he live in Los Angeles, he's 20 mins away!"

I stand up fully. "What?? No way!!!"

I push my sleeves up, excited to finally give back what I've stolen. Thomas changes his look to my arms. I shift uncomfortably.

"You're using again?" He looks down.

I open and close my mouth, my brain unable to keep up. "I-- no, It was just a bad night. I'm not back to that." I look down, embarrassed at my own actions.

Thomas scoffs. He reaches in his pockets and grabs a pen. Standing up he reaches my level and grabs my hand. He clenches his jaw as his vision goes to my arm. Holes litter my veins.

I instinctively raise my palm. Thomas starts writing on my hand. "That should get you to inter scope. I hope he's nice." Thomas looks down. I sigh looking down at the directions.

I learned all the routes and streets of Los Angeles. I might not be able to read but I could tell you any street in this city. It's home after all.

"Please Jenny, I don't want to see your body lying at the end of the LA river. Look after yourself.....I hope you find Mr Inter scope." Thomas stares at me intensely.

"Thanks T" I smile putting my backpack on my shoulder. Thomas gives me one last glance before turning the corner. I stare down at my palm. The directions clear as day.

⚢

A grey circular building was in front of me. I lower my hand, the directions nearly rubbed off at this point. I pat my legs down carefully. I need to look presentable. What if I see that woman again. Even looking at the building, I can tell Mr InterScope is rich. I wonder what he does for work?

I knock on the large glass doors. It seems busy. Suddenly three men in suits barge out of the spinning glass doors startling me. They chat among themselves. I look at them with furrow brows. Mr Interscope has a lot of guests. 

Two women appear behind me, laughing with each other. holding papers. They completely ignore me, shooting through the sliding door. They didn't even knock?

I follow them quietly. A large round desk is in the middle of the room. The blonde woman looks busy, pressing the small machine in her ear ever so often. I make my way to her, phones ringing off the hook. I hold the laptop tightly in my arms.

The woman glances at me. "Yes, yeah he's very excited. Kendrick will meet you at 3pm. Yes, hahaha!" She laughs staring right at me. I bite my lip awkwardly.

I try speak but before I can even get a word out she places her hand in front of me. "Mhmm. Yeah, yeah."

I look around confused. 

"How can I help you?" I hear the woman speak. I continue looking around.

"Hello?" 

I snap back to the receptionist. "Are you talking to me?" I shift pointing at me chest.

"Mhm. What can I do for you?" She glares with an unauthentic glare.

"I need to see Mr Interscope. I have his friends laptop." I gulp.

Maybe that was a bad start?