right where you left me -h.s

25| Say don't go

It's just a filler

Happy 1989 TV release day <3

Read 24 first, because you won't understand a thing 

Alice

A couple of years ago

I knew from the very first start that everything wasn't right. It wasn't the right time to fall in love, to fall for a guy like him, but I did anyway. He's away, somewhere in America, touring Fine Line, an album he didn't write about me, an album that I've listened to so many times and I know all the stories behind every song.

He hasn't called this week nor he answered any of my calls. I try to find a reason why he does that but I can't. I think it's time to let go, to let him go while I continue with my life. I try not to stand on the very thin line I am right now, I try not to wait for him. I bet that he is going to find the perfect someone very soon and he will completely forget about the ghost of his past, me.

It's been two months ever since he left London. At first we talked once a day, we shared our thoughts and our goodnights with each other but then the calls weren't that much. I called once every couple of days for him not to answer and he called me a day or two later and cried about his hectic schedule and how much time he spends in the studio. Then I stopped calling because I couldn't handle the waiting. He called once a week. But then he stopped doing that too. I called him yesterday just to be sure that he's okay. But I was left hanging.

I try to move on from him to forget him but I can because everywhere I look, I see him. Kindness reminds me of him, love reminds me of him. And that's why I know that I'll always hold a door half open, hoping that maybe he will come back to me.

It's funny to think that if he said to me to follow him, to never leave him, to not go, I would say yes, I would stay forever by his side. But he left me here, alone and haunted, trying to find a way to stop the blinding of the knife I twisted to myself. I'm his but his not mine and he will never be. I was about to say the three words the last time I saw him. I'm happy now that I didn't.

He was clear from the start. He wasn't looking for a relationship. But I think that's what I wanted. I wanted to go outside, in public, with Harry and hold his hand for the world to see. I was getting myself ready to receive the hate and the harassment of his fans, because then I would know that what he had was real. But the more I was giving him, the less he wanted me.

We were practically living together the past months due to quarantine and covid. I was there for him, for his emotion and physical support. I was the first person he could rant about everything and everyone. At first everything was perfect, it was the honeymoon phase, and then everything went downhill. He started to drift apart. Maybe because it was becoming too real. Now that he's free from me he can get back into his old ways. He can start searching in other beds for the something better I couldn't give him.

Taylor Swift wrote a song called Gold Rush. That's what Harry is. Everybody dies for his touch, everybody wants him and wants to know how it feels to be loved by him. He is a gentleman in a world full of boys, after all. I guess I should take her advice and never dream of him anymore. But how could I?

The screen of my phone lights up and I see a message from him.

H <3: I'm sorry, I can't keep on doing this. We have to talk.

-

The call lasted only a few minutes. He said that he had to focus on his career and that he tried very hard to not end things the wrong way but he couldn't find any better. I told him that he's right. Both of us had a career and a name to maintain. His name is one of the household names in Hollywood right now and I have double the work to do to get on his level. Oh, how I love being a woman. Please note the irony.

Maybe one day soon I will forget the pain he caused and move on to something better, something new and refreshing.

-

Now

I try to think how my life has changed ever since I met Harry, my soon to be husband. When we first met, I was the only one who fell in love. Or so I thought. We ended our situationship because he wasn't ready to feel and I wasn't ready to chase after what I wanted. But the invisible strings never broke. We found a way back to each other. He chased me down that road and he showed me the colours I saw the first time I met him. I'm glad that he did that because I always knew that he's the one. I didn't want to have to compromise with someone else.

"Are you ready?" He asks me and I nod, taking his hand to exit my house. We are going to meet Cara and Jeff in central London.

"Can you imagine Cara's reaction when she sees the ring? Oh, she's going to be so angry at you for saying Yes to Voldemort." He says playfully but we both know that this will be Cara's reaction for sure. Harry continues to call himself Voldemort from time to time and even proposed to be him at Halloween. He loves that nickname for a reason.

"She doesn't call you that anymore." I try to differ.

"Oh, we both know she does when I get on her nerves."

"Maybe you would stop doing that."

"Never." He simply says and I know that he means it. He loves getting on Cara's nerves and disagreeing with her about everything.

We arrive exactly at 12 o'clock at Cara's office building. Jeff's car is here already. They try to find the perfect way for us to make our entrance in Venice and how to handle everything ever since.

"Hello you two." Harry says as we walk inside the office. Our hands are intertwined still, not wanting to leave each other. They say Hello and they walk towards us to hug us. I haven't seen them in quite some time.

"How was Manchester?" Jeff asks after hugging both Harry and I.

"Amazing."

"Wonderful."

"Bitch, you better be joking, is that a ring?" Cara asks and I nod affirmatively.

"Is that what I think it is?" Jeff asks immediately.

"Yes, it is. We are getting married." Harry replies and Jeff hugs him in no time. They are the best of friends, like Cara and I. He congratulates us, while he is about to cry.

"Oh, my God. You are getting married with the one who shall not be named." Cara whispers, making Harry laugh louder than before. "I told you she was going to say that." He says and Cara throws a paper ball to him.

"Congratulations, honey, congratulations, bad personification of Voldemort." She hugs me and then hugs Harry, who pets her hair. "I love you guys so much, I'm beyond excited for you."

We talk about how it happened, when we plan on having the wedding and how big we want to be.

"Are you going to let the public know?" Cara asks and both Harry and I say No.

"We want it to be just ours for now." He says and I couldn't agree more. I can't wait to spend my future with him. 

...

NEXT ONE IS VENICE FILM FESTIVAL