Me and the young ones

2. The rooms

I almost considered sleeping outside on the cold hard ground when they started fighting. Again.

"Come on, just give her the bag back?" Neil said to Mike, who currently looked through all my package.

"Safety check Neil, you never know what dangerous things she could've brought."

I held my tounge when I saw Mike going through my underwear, sneaking one of my knickers out in his pocket. Whatever, I didn't have the energy to make a scene about it. Weird little man.

"Okay looks fine, you are granted access to the second floor" he said authoritatively and handed me my bag.

"You know, maybe I should just sleep on the sofa."

Vyvyan let out one of his characteristic screams. "NOOO. I wouldn't do that if I was you. Or if I was you, maybe. Or Rick. But if I'm me I wouldn't. I have put a mine in it." He grinned and looked very pleased about himself.

I just sighed, not even surprised. So up it is. I braced myself for the worst, took my bag and followed Mike, Neil and Vyvyan upstairs - they all ran up before me like little children. Thank you so much for helping me carry I thought, taking a careful turn around the hole Vyvyan had blown up in the stairs.

I came up and they just stood there on the open floor waiting for me like idiots. So it's here their rooms are.

Vyvyan banged on one of the doors.
"Rick are you finished wanking?

"No! I mean yes. I mean, I didn't! To hell with you Vyvyan, sticking your nose in things that aren't your business! What kind of fascism is this, distrupting my private sanctuary! If I'm in here and the door is shut it means I want to be ALONE, so leave me ALONE!"

Vyvyan adjusted his fist's position in front of the door, raising and lowering it until he seemed satisfied at a certain height and then cleared his throat.
"Marie said she wants to sleep with you in your room."

It was with shocking speed the door flew open and Rick's face popped out, just as quickly Vyvyan's fist slammed it back.

I reflected on the fact that I had only been here for an hour and seen more punches than in my entire life.

"No but seriously, where am I gonna sleep?" They didn't seem to have a guest room or any other spare room.

Rick stood against the doorpost, rubbing his cheek. He tried to put on an inviting face.

"Somebody, save her from Rick!" Vyvyan blurted. Rick's sheepish look was replaced with anger in a second.

"Vyvyan, maybe let her choose herself! Women have the independency and freedom to do whatever they want without being oppressed by men like you!"

"I don't want to sleep with Rick" I said.

Rick did not accept my freedom of choice. Instead he tried, like the hypocrite he clearly was and in a very pushy way, to persuade that I had to sleep with him in his room due to a lot of irrelevant nonsense. Mike, the self-proclaimed girl charmer, tuned in to "rescue" me. But Neil became the real saviour.

"Guys, maybe we should let Marie have a room by herself?"

"All right I'm gonna need my room for a secret arrangement later, so two of you have to share room" Mike said, taking the leadership position as usual. "Who's gonna share with who?"

"Bags not with Rick!" Vyvyan shouted.

"Bags not with Vyv!" Rick answered back.

"Bags not.. with Neil?" Neil said.

"Okay we're gonna sort this one out fair and square" Mike said as Vyvyan slipped him a quid. "Neil you're sharing your room with Rick. Problem solved."

"NO I'm not sharing a bedroom with that rubber johnny again!!" Rick exclaimed.

"Uh okay" Neil said.

"Neil, shut up! Before you say anything, I've just tossed a coin for who gets the bed, and you lost!" Rick stormed into Neil's room, breaking something on the way.

"Noo not my astrological star chart, I just finished painting it"
Neil followed Rick into his room, muttering. "How can he always win the coin tosses?"

"What? You just called me a bastard, didn't you?! You better not, Neil!" Rick shouted from behind the wall.

I was just going to go into Rick's room when Vyvyan stopped me.
"Wait Marie, I gotta clear it for you."
He put on a helmet and went inside. I heard him rummaging around making all kinds of noises - I think I could distinguish a circular saw, drilling, a cat, drilling in a cat and some firecrackers. After a little while he came out with an axe stuck in his helmet and large pile of various things balanced in his arms that I assumed had been traps for Rick.
"Now you can go in."

"Thank you Vyvyan, you're an angel."

Even though Vyvyan had cleared out all the death traps it was a horrible room, following the greenish filth that was a consistent theme throughout the house. A Lenin poster hanged on the door and every corner was bombarded with written notes. The bed stood next to a colorful wall and had some teddy bears in it while the floor was scattered with Cliff Richard records around a recordplayer. One of the floorplanks stuck up suspiciously. I lifted it and saw some comsopolitan magazines. What the hell.. I stomped it back.
I was so tired from today's hardships that the in fact obnoxious bed seemed rather heavenly. My thoughts dissipated as somebody knocked on the door. It was probably Rick. I was right.

"Hi Marie, ofcourse I gave up my room for you, that was nothing, you don't have to thank me at all!" he said loudly with a nonchalant laugh, giving me no time to say anything. Then he looked around excessively to make sure noone else was near. "And I just wanted to apologize for our first encounter today" he continued more silent, now with the look of a guilty child. "My behavior was completely unacceptable, firstly my approach was utterly sexist, and then, I mean, you must be as horrified as I am to be related to Neil."

"Thanks Rick, that's sweet of you" I gave him a smile. That was enough to make him attempt to run into the room, but he was stopped by the door I slammed in his face.

"Good night Rick, have fun with Neil" I teased him. "Go to sleep now."

"Baby go to sleep now" he answered back.

"What?!"

"Sorry, it's Cliff Richard" I heard him stammer behind the door, "the day I met Marie, it's just that it's my favourite song and it makes me think of you, and.." a small pause followed, broken by an unprovoked DAMN and his frantic steps away. Whatever it was that he was trying to do here, it went very badly. Yet I felt the corners of my mouth twitch in a silly smile at the whole situation.