Dirty, Dirty Liars [Mature/Editing]

[8] 八

After Ryuzo had my number, everything changed. No more chance meetings or communicating through glances across an alley. All the words that had previously gone unsaid lit up my screen and my smile every day. But when the holidays rolled around, the fantasy faded a bit.

They schedule me for three doubles in a row, taking over the New Year shifts for the nationals. The hospital was slow, which made my shifts feel longer. The ICU only had three patients, two who were awake and stable, and one who was still unconscious, recovering from an emergency surgery. Both of the awake patients had family around them, gathering in an uncomfortable hospital just to have the whole family together. But the unconscious patient was alone.

Her surgery had been extensive, removing a large brain tumor that was likely to impact her cognition or memory. If she woke up at all.

Her name was Suzi. She was 26, no spouse, no parents, no siblings, just like me. Her emergency contact from an older record was listed as a friend, but their number was disconnected. Not knowing if my parents were alive or not only bothered me if I gave it too much thought. But she made me think. This time of year always made me think.

Family holidays were rough for me but being in a new place made it that much harder. I wasn't superstitious about most things, but with New Year's Eve, part of me believed I would spend my next year the same way I spent my night.

Two years ago, I lost Vince and got arrested right before Christmas. I spent that New Year's Eve sitting in jail, grieving in silence. The rest of my year was a struggle. But by the next year, I had just gotten my license reinstated and went back to work in a different state. I saw that as my new beginning, even though I spent the next few months running from rumors until I changed my name. At the very least, I was in Japan this year, living in the dope ass city of Tokyo, doing what I loved most with minimal judgment. I was thankful for that.

I sat with Suzi as much as I could, spending hours monitoring her as the doctor instructed, hoping she would wake up soon. Hoping someone would come to see her.

. . .

The next day, people were traveling back into town. Hospital traffic picked up, and my last of the three shifts felt less exhaustive. When I had a down moment, I went by Suzi's bed to sit with her again, but her room was empty. Surely she hadn't woken up in the last few hours.

I went to the desk and found her chart. She had passed a little over three hours before. My heart ached.

My substitute lead came to my side, seeing whose chart was in my hand. "It is sad," she said.

"Did anyone ever come to see her?"

She shook her head.

I closed her chart and looked away. Tears burned behind my eyes. The hundreds of patients that had come through my care, so many I had tried to save and lost, but this one hit hard. My emergency contact was my employer. The only people who would come to visit me would be the people I had met in the two months I had been here, only one of whom I allowed to get close to me. The moment I left, I would have no one again.

"Do you want to come to the restaurant with us after work?" my lead asked, pulling me from my urge to cry.

I was in no mood to be alone. "Sure."

. . .

We went to a bar in Ginza, the district Kat told me about, and it was packed with people. The crowd was a mix of people drinking away stress, so many dressed in office wear and designer clothes I could only dream of affording. Feeling out of place in my wool-blend coat, high-waisted jeans, and crop top sweater, I felt out of place, especially when all the other nurses were familiar friends. I wanted to ask questions and have someone to baby me through things the way Ryuzo did, but they didn't know me well enough. They were too busy having fun in their element.