Because of Him

Unexpected Encounter

Adriana

I was in my third year of college. Mom thought it best to stay close to her, especially after Chris's passing. Even though I wanted to leave this town. I had taken it too hard for her to let me leave. I even stopped doing the thing that I loved most, which was pottery. I couldn't do it. My mind went blank every time. I would stare at the lump of clay before me and cry. I would constantly think of him whenever I tried to make something.

Ever since Chris met me, he would give me a random flower. I used this as inspiration; for every flower, there was a piece of artwork with a beautiful story. A story that came to be because of him. Once, I accidentally figured out where he would get such lovely flowers. I laughed at myself for not noticing it before. He would take one from our neighbor's garden. I acted as if I never knew. I would look forward to what flower I would get the next time I saw him.

It has been three years without those beautiful flowers and three years that my pottery wheel has been left untouched. Three years since, I have been lost, and a part of myself has gone missing. I know a big part of myself keeps me from making art as a punishment. Because making art is like being close to him, and now that he is gone, I don't deserve to be close to him again, especially because I am why he's gone.

-

I groaned as my alarm beeped. I rolled out of bed, heading toward my bathroom to prepare for class. It was about 9:15 a.m. It was about time for me to head to campus. I went to Greensville Community College. It was just 20 minutes away from my house. The roads were wet and filled with fallen leaves as I drove towards school. It was a peaceful drive. I was so calm that I got lost in my thoughts. Something I tried to do sparingly.

Sometimes, I think about where I would be if he hadn't died, dead maybe, but if someone else had saved me or I wasn't there to begin with. Where would I be? Most of the people from my high school had left and went to different colleges in different states, doing what they were always passionate about. But not me. I was still here at a community college studying to be an accountant, of all things. This was not my plan.

"Adriana," a girl yelled.

"Hey, Giana," I replied. I looked back to see Giana.

She started attending Greenville last year. At first, I was opposed to the thought of a new friend, but Giana is the type that grows on you. She is very bubbly, but you don't want to get on her bad side. She has a mean left hook, which I saw about two months after I met her. A guy got a little too handsy with her at a house party she dragged me to.

"Why didn't you answer my text yesterday? I was worried," she stared back at me, brows furrowed.

"I'm sorry, I had visited Chris' grave," I said while looking down at my feet to keep myself from crying. I felt her hand rub my back.

"Okay, enough of that; I was just worried. You know you don't have to force yourself to go through it alone, right," she questioned.

"Yes, but I think I just needed to this time. So that I can truly feel what I want to feel without his mother or my mother being there," I said, looking up into her hazel eyes. She had platinum blonde money pieces, while the rest of her hair was jet black. She was the same height as me, 5'8; her legs just appeared longer, and she was lean. And she was more confident than me, which I had truly admired.

She starts to pat my back and says, "Alright, alright. I will let it slide, but I need text updates next time. Please don't make me worry. Let's head to class, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," I say jokingly.

Unlike me, Giana had a passion for numbers. When I first met her, I thought she was like me. But she wasn't; she was always at the top of the class in terms of grades. She had the drive and goals. One of her goals was to take over the family business before her brother could.

I, on the other hand, chose this major because it made me have to focus. I zoned out everything and just concentrated on the numbers. And it helped; it was a great distraction, even though sometimes it was as dull as hell.

We finally got to our first class of the semester, Quantitative Methods and Business Decisions. Doesn't that sound fun?
Giana and I quickly made our way to the front. It was better for us to sit in the front so we could focus and not get distracted in the back. Though Giana has a passion for accounting, sometimes she can be easily distracted.

We were the first to arrive. Soon, students came flooding in. As each semester goes on, I start to see more and more familiar faces. As the professor walks in, I pull out my notebook and pencil for class.

Professor Elaine was droning on and on about how everything we need to know is in the syllabus, but if anything changes, it will be updated. She then starts going through the textbook required for the course, including one she wrote herself. Sometimes, professors are shameless; requiring us to buy a book they made is ridiculous. Especially when we cannot get a discount; on the other hand, I would like to think that she's a true hustler.

As Professor Elaine starts lecturing about chapter one, I hear the door squeak open. I suddenly whip my head around, and I begin to panic. Please don't tell me I'm having a severe panic attack again. That would be the only reason, right? That is why I see Chris standing right at the entrance of the lecture doorway. I rub my eyes to make what I see disappear, but I can't.

"Adri. Isn't he a sight for sore eyes," Giana questions as she flashes her eyes in his direction. I see him glaring at me as he approaches his seat behind us. Okay, so I'm not seeing things. But what the f*ck is going on?

"He looks so much like Chris," I whispered to Adriana. She whipped her head towards me, confused and worried.

Giana hasn't seen Chris before. My mom thought it was a good idea to hide all of the photos of him. At least until I was ready to confront my emotions. But I did not have the courage to. However, his face was slowly fading from my memory. Seeing this stranger today who looks so much like him brought everything back.

I tried to focus on the class, but I felt like something or someone was piercing through my soul. I couldn't concentrate for the life of me. My hands started to feel clammy. I felt as if the air was slowly leaving my lungs. I began to feel lightheaded and dizzy. And then everything went black.