Pause | P.Sh (on-going)

3

The noise in the morning filled my ears again. It feels like this morning my shoulder hurts more than yesterday. The clock on my cell phone showed 7 am, forcing myself to get out of bed and opening my tired eyes was a really difficult task.

I walked to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, but it seemed like this was where I actually woke up from my sleep. The water this morning was very cold, making my face feel a little frozen and it awaken my entire body.

I looked at my face in the mirror for quite a long time. Twotired eyes looked back at me, and I couldn't help but curse under my breath. This face I see, why is he so stubborn?

I slowly dried my face using a towel, then I took painkillers to at least reduce the pain I felt in my body. In the midst of the noise and silence of my apartment, the telephone rang. Irritated, I walked over to the phone and picked it up.

A voice I try to avoid as much as possible, but it keeps coming back.

"Sunghoon, have you gone to work? Look at the time. Don't try to disappoint your mother., ever."

My grip on the phone tightened, and I wanted to slam it down. I was silent for a moment to form what fake words I wanted to say to her.

"Yes, Mom. I'll be leaving in a moment." I replied, trying not to sound annoyed. After all, she is my mother. I was taught not to fight anyone older.

After the conversation ended, I hung up. Quickly, I slammed the phone onto the floor, breaking the stem to pieces and were scattered all over the floor. I stared at them, leaving them be. I don't have enough care for it. I walked to my closet to change clothes and get ready to leave. I quickly put on my scarf, carried my bag in my right hand, and then left my apartment.

Again, the same city view, which is so busy and full of people passing by in the morning on their way to work. No one spoke to each other, the city was only filled with the sound of vehicles, music from billboards, and people shouting to offer their sales to the workers who passed by them.

I turned into one of the cafes that I usually visit. As usual, I ordered a cup of black coffee but this time I ordered a hot one because the season had changed. After only about a month, I already miss the green of the trees which have now been replaced with a brownish color and the roads are filled with dead leaves, making a crunching sound with every step I take.

My office building is slowly becoming more visible, all I have to do is climb the footbridge, then I will arrive at my office, return with the same job, a job that I must maintain, for the sake of my mother.

However, what I found after struggling to survive for so long was that it seemed like she would never be satisfied. I tried as hard as I could, but she always said that I had to be better, and never let her down. That's what always comes out, to the point that it all becomes nonsense.

Seeing everyone around me continuing to work and working late made me get used to all demands. The fast pace of city life also got me carried away by the flow, and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

If I can be honest, I miss school; the time when I was free to take part in all the activities I liked. I miss my friends. I miss the ringing of the school bell marking recess or going home. I miss the cheers when I scored a goal, or when we won a relay race. The school was a place for me to get away from home for a while, and always coming home late at night when everyone was asleep.

I'm quite bored with the city view that never changes. I'm tired of these tall buildings. Even though they are nothing to me, but at the same time, they are everything to me. After all, all of this is my hard work to get to this point, where I can walk to the company office to work and make a living.

And not to disappoint my mother.

If I think about it again, I'm really pathetic, who couldn't make decisions on his own, and was afraid to let go of everything with an uncertain goal. The desire to run against the fast current of life was deeply embedded in my mind.

I have to stay.

It feels like there's a lot of noise in my head. Before I knew it, I had arrived at the office. I put the coffee cup on the worktable and took off the jacket and scarf I was wearing, then hung them on the back of the chair.

It's quiet. Too quiet.

My work room is very empty even though my desk is filled with work that I haven't finished from several days ago. For some reason, today is one of those days where I want to give up. 

I took a deep breath and took in all my work that had piled up. I did everything quickly for 2 hours straight, before I finally pressed the send button, and signed the last sheet of document.

I dropped my pen to the floor, gasping as I remembered how long I'd been sitting and not thinking about anything else.

However, not long after, my cell phone vibrated. There was a message notification from someone.

Haerin.

...

....

"I've applied for another job. Hopefully this can be my apology to you for bringing some bad news the last time we met.

Don't forget to rest, eat some good food."

...

I stared at my cell phone screen for a while, but I didn't reply to Haerin's message. I just... smiled.

Yes, today I have to eat something delicious during break time or when I get home.

I still smile, even though it's not much, but I hope Haerin will continue to be the Haerin I know...

Someone that I could never be.

______to be continued.