Guardian

Chapter 2

The rough texture of rock Aidan leaned against in the dressing room helped him settle as the amphitheater was drained of people and the lucky fans were verified. He knew he had time before he had to go back out again.

It was such an unusual space, and Aidan relished getting to perform there again. He indulged in reminiscence about the last time he was here. That day, it was his birthday and his fans were extra. They'd bought him a cake and gifts. Why was it that they loved him so much? The answer he hoped was true was when he was with them he gave a thousand percent. He wasn't elusive, hiding away in a glass tower.

Ever since the beginning, he'd always made it a point to connect with them, and he'd made sure to integrate interactions into all his concerts, even when he became a superstar. Originally, all he did was take his time between the theater or stadium and his ride. He'd stop to talk with fans, share anecdotes, and make each one feel unique. The people standing outside the door could be people he'd known for years or people he'd just met. It didn't matter.

Did that mean extra security at the end of the concert? Yes, it did. Had it turned into a meet and greet? Maybe a bit, but still, everyone had a chance to win. He'd made sure of that. He wasn't about to allow any of that "pay an arm and a leg to meet him" business that others flaunted. He wanted to meet the average person, not the super-wealthy.

As soon as they paid for the concert, they got signed up for a drawing to meet him afterward. They didn't have to pay extra. It was enriching and gratifying for both parties.

Merging their lives for a moment was part of the excitement. At least, it used to be. Nowadays, he just wanted to go back to his hotel room and relax. Where did the spark go?

He remembered the moment he realized maybe he was just being whatever everyone wanted to see instead of his true self.

He'd been standing alone in front of his house after his third boyfriend dumped him, wondering what he'd done wrong. The guy had said, "I used to think you were this strong, gay man, not 'this.'" Whatever "that" was. Aidan wasn't sure, but he did feel "less than." That wasn't acceptable. In that moment, the question arose, was he ever truly himself or did he just become what everyone perceived him to be because of his higher lighter voice and "pretty boy" face? How could he be strong and true to himself with someone else, when he didn't even know what that was?

"Aidan, it's time." When did John come back into the room?

"Alright." Aidan didn't want to get up, but pushed himself off the rock anyway and headed toward the tunnels that led to the stage.

The fishnet shirt itched. The boots pinched. The fake eyelashes just made him want to close his eyes and take a nap. His stage persona was the embodiment of this person he knew he wasn't. He stood in the perpetually chilly space, impatiently waiting for the all-clear from security. The walls were completely covered in signatures from all the greats. He searched for the special corner where he'd scrawled his name. He remembered being so proud when he'd ceremoniously added it the first time he'd stood there.

Outside was a riot of noise that stood between him and the quiet of his car. He'd been informed that the Paparazzi had shown up too, tipped off by the brands he was wearing. "Okay, I can do this."

John rubbed his shoulder, "Yes, you can." He spoke through a walkie-talkie to the head of security, "Are you ready out there?"

Aidan heard the disembodied voice, "All set."

He adjusted the ridiculous fishnet one last time and tried to imagine that it covered everything adequately. Unfortunately, his memory of his view in the mirror told him otherwise. The shirt left nothing to the imagination. Ah well, at least he had something to show off.