Not Letting Go

Part 2 ***

I couldn't get myself to unpack today so I claimed the bed farther from the door and plopped down on it I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep because one, I would have nightmares and Potter would know and two, it was way too early.

I was sharing a dorm with Harry Potter, I didn't hate him, I mean how could I, he was the golden boy, he saved lives. The lives that I had selfishly tried to take. I had felt powerless against the dark lord, if I hadn't let them in I would've died, my family would have died. But now I think maybe I deserved to die. I deserved to die more than the group of third years who escaped to fight despite being underage. I knew that it was gonna be awkward, the two of us had been rivals for years.

Just a few moments later he walked in. We made eye contact and I felt my face redden, so I quickly looked away. "Hi Malfoy" he muttered.

"Hey"

he, unlike myself, began to unpack his stuff. Unsure of what to do with myself, I decided to as well.

When I was around halfway done unpacking I gave up. I had put away the majority of my clothes and sorted my books by class on my shelf. When I stood up I got dizzy and tunnel vision. I made my way from my shelf to my bed as steadily as possible in my state and sat down. "Are you okay" Potter asked sounding concerned. "Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine, thanks" it wasn't totally a lie because I was fine or I would be in like a second. My vision cleared and I was no longer dizzy.

I laid down in my bed pulled up the covers, and rolled onto my side, facing the wall, slowly I fell asleep.

When I woke up it was the middle of the night, I was drenched in sweat, and I was gasping quietly, when I rolled over I realized that Potter wasn't in his bed.

The bathroom light was shinning through the door. After about 15 minutes went by and Potter hadn't come out, I got up and knocked on the door "I'm fine," Potter said frantically. Huh? I didn't ask if he was fine?

"Potter?"

"Go away Malfoy, it's none of your business"

"I'm gonna come in now"

"No! Don't, please just leave"

I tried to open the door but it was locked

"Alohamora" I muttered, the door unlocked and when I walked in I saw potter scrambling to get paper towels to clean up his blood from the bathroom floor.

"Harry..." I whispered in shock.

He was crying "I told you to leave me alone"

At this point he'd given up on trying to clean up. He sat down on the floor in defeat.

I looked at his arm, deep cuts were scattered all over his arm some fresh and some looked and others were already scarred. I took the paper towels from his hand and began to clean him up. "Why?" I asked while I soaked up the blood from the floor. I was shaking slightly at the sight of Harry like this.

"I-I don't know, I just- I'm tired I guess, of everything"

How long has he been like this? After everything was clean I helped him up and brought him back to my bed. He clung to me like I was the only thing in the world. I did the same, I had been so scared to see him like that and never wanted to experience it again. I was going to help him get better.

Harry got his composure back and I knew I was going to talk to him more about this tomorrow but right now this works just fine.

I don't know when or how we fell asleep but we must've because when I woke up again Harry was still in my arms. I don't remember when potter became Harry maybe it was when I saw him in the bathroom, maybe it was when he fell asleep in my arms, either way it didn't matter.

I didn't want to disturb the boy in my arms I looked at his arms once again. They looked somehow worse when they weren't drenched in blood. In his deepest cut you could see the fat of his arm which was a pale yellow, my stomach churned at the sight of it. Harry must've woken up while I was examining his arm. "Im sorry" he mumbled groggily and tore away from me. He shook his hair and pulled down the sleeve of his hoodie. He left our dorm without saying another word to me.

Well shit, it's the first day back and Harry already hates you, way to go Draco.

I took a shower, got dressed, and did my hair. I looked like shit, but I decided that I didn't care anymore. I looked at my dark mark, prominent as ever, if not darker.

I looked at the scars on and around it. I thought about picking Harry's blade up off the floor and dragging it across my skin. I picked it up and washed it off, I could relapse right now if I wanted and Severus wouldn't even have to know, it's not like he still checks. I put the blade on my forearm.

Do you really want to do this? Yes. I think I definitely do.

I pressed down and dragged the blade cutting my skin. After about three or four cuts I put the blade down and let my arm bleed around the dark mark. I knew that I was missing breakfast but I didn't care.

Fuck! Draco you were supposed to be better! What the actual hell is wrong with you.

The cuts stopped bleeding and I pulled my sleeve back down.

I walked to my first class, potions, late. I knew that I would be reprimanded. All of the 8th years had there classes together because there weren't many of us.

I sat next to Blaise and Pansy. Granger, Weasley, and Harry were sitting on the opposite side of the room. "Why are you late Mr. Malfoy?" Severus asked not necessarily angry or annoyed. "I just- I woke up late," I stuttered.

"Because it's the first day, I'll excuse it but do not make this a habit,"

I nodded and dozed off for the rest of the class. I only snapped out of it when I heard my name and realized I didn't know who I was partnered with for making the potion.

Shit.

I pretended to get my stuff together until someone came to my desk. Granger. Of course. Well it can't be that bad, Granger's smart, and hopefully she won't get in my way.

It hurt to move my left arm but I still managed to make the potion with proficiency (I don't even know if that word makes sense there)

When class was almost over Severus came around that class. He seemed pleased with my work.

I was quick to leave the class when the bell rang.

My next classes were a bore. I found myself dozing off more than I would have liked, nobody seemed to notice. However, I caught Harry looking at me a couple times. After transfiguration I was walking to lunch when Harry caught my wrist and dragged me into a closet. I tore my wrist away, surprised. I couldn't read the emotion on Harry's face in the darkness.

"Malfoy," he said in a stern voice that scared me a little bit. I waited for him to go on "you can't tell anyone what you saw," he pleaded

"What's the magic word" I said teasingly

"Please" he mumbled

"I'm sorry what was that, I didn't hear"

"I said please" he said louder

"Fine I won't tell anyone" Harry turned to leave but this time I caught his wrist, he winced and I let go. "if you let me help you,"

1308 words. I wanted this to be more slow burn but this works to I guest. I can slow it down though, lmk. And yes I know the end is cringe I don't want to talk about it. Should I do top  Draco or top Harry???