Vanish

Chapter 4

"Here's to our first A+ of the semester." Seth raised his coffee cup in my direction and I tapped mine against it.

"Thanks to you," I said, taking a sip of coffee and struggling not to spit it out.

"This cafeteria coffee is the pits," he said, managing to drain his cup regardless. "But I need the caffeine hit."

Personally, I didn't think Seth needed it. He was pretty wired most of the time, like he couldn't sit still. We'd been study buddies for the last two weeks and I'd never seen anyone so...driven. Moody one minute, buoyant the next, Seth bordered on manic. I knew little of his life out of school beyond the basics but I respected his privacy. Who else could identify with his secrecy but me? I knew the feeling well and liked the fact he didn't pry for answers I wasn't willing to give.

Besides, he was the only friend I'd made here and I liked having someone to hang out with, even if his edginess made me a tad wary.

He scrunched his cup and lobbed it into the trash. "Doing anything tonight?"

I glanced at my watch and wrinkled my nose. "Yeah, meeting with a music tutor."

"Too bad." He glared at me, the intensity in his eyes making me uncomfortable.

Uh-oh. Was Seth going to ask me out? He may be a nice guy but I hadn't picked up any vibes. We'd been spending a fair bit of time together for assignments, and I had caught him gazing at me on the odd occasion, but our interactions had been strictly platonic. And I had no idea if I was ready to date again yet.

Six months since Noah's death and not a day went by that I didn't think of him as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning and before I fell into a restless sleep at night.

Noah.

My first boyfriend.

My first love.

My first everything.

I'd never understand what made him change, what had turned him into a cold, crazy freak the day we'd broken up, but I had to live with the real possibility that he'd killed himself because of what I'd done.

Hating when maudlin crept up on me, I asked, "Why?"

"No biggie." He shrugged, but I saw a flicker of anger in his eyes before he blinked. "Thought we could get a head start on that math quiz for next week but doesn't matter."

The last thing I felt like doing on a Friday night was math, friendship or not. And if Seth was getting a little possessive in monopolizing my time, I needed to establish some distance between us.

Forcing a laugh, I made an L with my thumb and forefinger and held it over my forehead. "Not sure if this is for you, wanting to study on a Friday night, or for me, meeting a tutor to follow up on another assignment."

Thankfully, some of the tension pinching his mouth eased and he smiled. "Think it suits us both." He stood, slung his satchel over his shoulder. "See you Monday."

"Okay." I did the same and fell into step beside him. "Have a good weekend."

He didn't return the sentiment, and as we parted ways outside the cafeteria I wondered why I always picked the odd ones. Inwardly I knew it was because I was an odd one, too, and liked hanging with a kindred spirit.

"Yep, losers," I muttered under my breath, heading for my meeting and hoping the music tutor—rumored to be seriously hot—wouldn't think I was lame.

***

I know it sounds corny, but the first time I laid eyes on Ronan I felt something. Insta-lust? A jolt? A reawakening? Whatever it was, I didn't want to analyze it too closely because for the first time since Noah it was good to just feel again.