Vanish

Chapter 7

I hadn't slept well.

Every time I drifted off, I'd replay my meeting with Ronan, his lips edging closer to mine...so I ended up awake half the night, watching some of the music videos he'd sent me. Yeah, like that helped calm my nerves, with the possibility he'd view a visit to the library today as a date.

So when Aunt Angie proposed we go for a walk first thing this morning, I jumped at the chance.

I used to do long walks with Kelsey and I missed that. Missed her. We hadn't kept in touch beyond the occasional text and those had eventually petered out. That's the thing about growing up in a weird environment: independence was key and I didn't need anyone. So why did I feel so goddamn bad for ditching everything and everyone from my hometown?

"Was splitting that second pizza sub for breakfast too much?" Angie pulled a funny face. "Because you're looking like this."

Wasn't indigestion making me feel queasy, but a healthy dose of guilt instead.

"Nah, I'm good."

Angie bumped me with her hip as we strolled along East 2nd Street. "We should do this bonding thing more often. It's nice."

"Yeah." Determined to make the most of this time with my aunt who I rarely saw, I patted my stomach. "Though with more walking next time and less double toppings."

"Done." Angie smiled, the hint of wariness in her eyes alerting me to an incoming zinger I wouldn't like. "So is it getting any easier?"

Uh-oh. I didn't want to talk about Mom. Not when it would bring me down. I wanted today to be a good day, wanted to be upbeat on the off-chance Ronan showed up at the library in an hour.

"You mean with missing Mom?"

Angie shook her head, her gaze gentle. "I meant dealing with Noah's death."

She'd asked me this occasionally since I'd come to live with her, and each time I'd shut her down. But today, the usual tightness in my chest that thoughts about Noah elicited didn't come.

Maybe time did heal. Or more likely, I'd stopped dwelling on his suicide every second of every day and had started thinking about other things. Like living in a new city, fitting into a new school, and hanging out with new friends.

"I'll never get over the way he died," I said, scuffing the sidewalk and staring at my sneakers to avoid seeing the pity in Angie's eyes. "And I still blame myself to a certain extent. But I guess living here, away from Broadwater, has made dealing with it easier."

"I'm glad, sweetie." Angie slipped her arm around my waist and squeezed. "You deserve a break."

"Thanks."

She released me and tweaked me on the nose. "Think you can squeeze in a sundae before you head off to be the model student and study on the weekend?"

I groaned. "No way."

Though the thought of ignoring the pile of homework on my desk and sharing my favorite childhood dessert with my aunt was mighty tempting.

"I really should get a start on that history assignment..." I trailed off as a buzzing filled my ears like static, only louder. It gave way to a rush of sounds, like a million people trying to talk over one another.

I stuck my fingers in my ears. Jiggled them. It didn't help.

"Honey, are you okay?" Angie's voice sounded like it came from a mile away, drowned out by the cacophony making my head ache.