Fading Out

Chapter 19

Daisy's POV

The clang of the impact wasn't really loud but I felt deafened by the noise. I had clutched my hands tighter, keeping them by my side and not protect the ring from being destroyed. But it was a hard battle and every tear that had escaped since I agreed to this only weakened my resolve. To really accept that the ring, the last thing that bound me to this realm, was gone was so painful that it took me several moments to accept this. Please forgive me Samuel. I begged mentally, please let this not be worthless.

"Daisy?" Nick whispered and I finally opened my eyes and wiped the tears away. And then looked down at the symbol of so many things of my life, or perhaps it was a symbol of my life itself. And just like my life, it was now over too. The ring was now broken.

I looked at him and I almost lost control of my tears again at the apologetic look at his face. Are you apologizing for breaking my ring that I had loved for all my existence? My mind screamed at him the words I couldn't dare to speak. Or are you sorry for destroying my ring when it wasn't what held me here? I froze as that accusation completed itself.

I took a deep breath and felt for any change in me. My stomach dropped as anger rose within me. "You were wrong." I spoke. It was low, only slightly louder than a whisper, but very clear in the silence we were sitting in. Nick bowed his head and my mind had its answer to the unspoken question.

"YOU WERE WRONG!"

This time it wasn't a statement said at a low voice of shock. No, this time my words had so much in it that I could have found life in it. My own life, perhaps. The words were no longer forming a fact supposed to inform. They were now a clear accusation, filled with every hatred and anger and despair. I leaned forward on my knees and bent over the broken remains of the only good thing of my afterlife and grabbed his tee's collar with my left hand while using my right for balance. And then I let go of the balance and slapped him continuously while hanging on his shirt to not fall down.

SLAP! The first slap made me realize two things. One was that hitting him helped my anger. There was significantly more control over myself now. The other was that his cheeks were wet and it took me a moment to realize he was crying as well. But that doesn't mean I stopped after the first one. I had already delivered two more by the time I had this realization. And then I stopped, not because I cared about how he felt, but because now all I felt was exhaustion.

"I'm sorry Daisy." Nick finally spoke up and though it started even, I knew he was trying to control his sobs when his voice broke on my name. "I thought I was right. I knew I was right. But I wasn't. And my foolishness cost you such a heavy price. I'm sorry." He hiccupped and then went quiet. But that wasn't all he needed to apologize for. And so I continued.

"I'm sorry too, Nick. Not for hitting you, but for trusting you. I'm sorry I trusted you. I'm sorry I went along with your half-baked idea, that I was so excited about moving on that I let you destroy the one thing that made me bear these past decades, the one thing which I counted on always being present even as I would have faded out. I'm sorry too for so many things." My sobs got too loud to speak through and there was a momentary relief about the fact since I had just been about to apologize for loving him. And deep in my heart, if I bothered to look, I knew I would find that this is one thing I would never regret. But it seems that he had already guessed what I was to say, because he looked broken, as if I had delivered that cruel blow too.

"Not for loving you though. I'm never going to be sorry for that." He softly spoke. And then he froze. I wiped away my tears and began deep breathing to try controlling them. Let him get lost in his own mind. My mind commented, I deserve this time to grieve all that I just lost.