03.30.13
Dear Ana,
Have you ever had that one photograph that you look at that just brings up so many memories, or brings up that one memory or feeling that you wish you could have back?
I have that one picture. It's of me when I was four, holding my little brother just as he was born. I was smiling so wide in that picture, and you know what, Ana, it was a real genuine smile, not like the fake smiles I plaster on my face now.
Every time I look at that picture, or think of it, I can't help but feel a rush of strong sadness at how happy I was back then, and now am a lonely and sad girl. I have many more pictures of myself as a child, don't get me wrong, but it's just that one picture. When I look at myself smiling, I can't help but cry. How could I have turned into this, Ana? How could I have become an awkward teenager who enjoys being alone and dislikes people?
But then again, I wanted to grow up so badly, didn't I? I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could go back to being that little girl again who was best friends with her father and loved everything and just actually really truly smile and have fun and have friends and just do things that normal people do.
I'm sorry. I don't know to who or why, but I'm just sorry. Can I take it all back, Ana? Please, can I?
