First at Last

Chapter Seventeen

The week passed by faster than I would have thought possible. And I did not remember most of it. I would eat by myself early in the morning, and then go to my lessons. After lessons, I would confine myself to my room until dinner, where I would go to the dining room and eat with my family. I did not have much to say at dinner, allowing myself one or two-word answers when asked a question.

I tried to keep my emotions hidden, for the most part. I did not cry when I would listen to Mother's frequent conversations with Alice about Prince William, though at first I wanted to. I forced my thoughts as far from him as possible when I was alone, although he kept making his way back to the forefront of my mind.

Alice was very good at pretending that she wanted to be with William. Her eyes lit up at the mention of his name, and she talked about him often. She did not change the way she acted toward me, even after talk in the garden, though I can't say I expected her to.

That morning, my Mother had invited me to eat breakfast with her in the drawing room. I did not know why she did, but I accepted and met her in the drawing room for breakfast. The room was large, with a fireplace sitting against one wall, a fire burning merrily inside it. There were some chairs beside the fire and some more by the window, as well as a pianoforte sitting against the opposite wall.

I stared out of the frost-covered window. Spider webs of ice ran along the corners and up the side, and the frost made everything outside the window blurry and less colorful. Looking out, I could see down into the road leading up to the front door, where carriages would stop when we had visitors, only to be taken away moments later so that the horses could be tended to.

Despite the warmth of the nearby fire, the room was rather cold. There were many windows in this room, and the chill air always found a way inside.

I could feel Mother's steely eyes on me as I dipped my spoon into the bowl of porridge, but I let the thick substance slide off my spoon and land with a plop back in the bowl. I was not very hungry. I had not been very hungry of late, too busy was I trying to keep my thoughts from straying and my emotions at bay.

I did this once more and I heard glass rattle behind me as my mother slammed her tea cup onto the saucer. "Enough!" She nearly shouted.

Surprised by her sudden outburst, I turned to face her. "I'm sorry?"

"I said enough." She hissed. "Stop sulking around like a child!" Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were sharp as she looked down at me from where I sat.

"Sulking? But I am not sulking." I replied, puzzled.

"Yes, you are. You don't think I've noticed? You've hardly spoken a word to me since I gave you the news. You always have this emotionally detached look on your face. You look like a lost pup! And you hardly touch your food." She said exasperatedly, glancing down at my tray, still mostly untouched, as she'd said.

"What is your point?" I asked in a bored voice, glancing out the window once more.

"My point is that you have to move on! His highness, Prince William, is to marry Alice, not you." She snapped.

"Thank you for the reminder, Mother," I replied dryly.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I am serious, Erika. You must stop pouting because you did not get what you want."

"Because I did not get what I want?" I repeated dubiously. "He is not some toy that I wanted to buy at the market."

She ignored my comment, and her eyes lit up suddenly as something occurred to her. "Oh, I almost forgot to mention something. Because you are so . . . enthusiastic . . . about Alice's engagement to Prince William, you will be speaking at their engagement ball." Her wicked eyes gleamed as she smiled at me.

"What?" My eyes flew wide at these words and I found that I was speechless.

"Is there a problem with this arrangement, Erika?" She asked pleasantly, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Mother, please. Don't make me do it. I'll stop sulking and pouting, I promise. Please don't make you get up in front of all those people." I was not above begging.

A faint smile played about her mouth and I'd never seen her look so smug in all my life. I wanted to slap the look off her face. "It's too late, dear. I've already talked to the king and queen about it and they were very pleased that you volunteered."

Ice ran through my veins and my hands curled into fists. I hid them under the folds of my gown so that she could not see it. "I won't do it. I will not be speaking at the engagement ball. I will not even be attending."

She rolled her eyes, laughing derisively. "I did not give you a choice. You will be going to the ball and you will be speaking in front of all those people about how happy you are for them."

"But I am not happy for them."

"I do not care. Lie about it if you have to. Just make it believable." She said sternly. "Besides," she added, the corner of her mouth turning up slightly. "You only have to say a few words."

I watched her as she stood, and strode out of the room, leaving her breakfast untouched. My throat ached with the effort it took to keep from shouting.

That despicable woman! She was punishing me. For what, I was not exactly sure. Maybe this was just the second part of punishment from my nights out, or because I was too obvious about being upset, or just because she wanted me to be miserable. They were all believable reasons.

She was so cruel, though. Public speaking was not a strength of mine. I could not do it. I'd only had to do it once before and I had stuttered and shook and afterwards, I'd retched. I would be an embarrassment to the family. It would not end well. And beside my inability to speak in a crowd, I could not do it because it was for the man I loved! And he was marrying my sister!

My lip trembled slightly, and I swallowed in an attempt to keep from crying. My hands were shaking and I could not make them stop. I looked back out the window, at the frost stretching across the glass, feeling much like the lost pup she accused me of being.

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Hey! Sorry, this chapter was kind of boring. Not every chapter can be completely entertaining. But I hope you enjoyed anyway! And sorry it's taking so long for me to update recently. With school starting up again, it's been more difficult to make time for writing. I'm still in high school; have to keep my grades up!

Anyways, please vote, comment, or fan! Follow me for updates on First at Last! Thanks for reading!

P.S. Just a reminder: I know I've published this on the website, but I am still going to edit it as I go, because I am still working on it. I haven't even finished writing it yet :P