Rowan

Chapter 3 | Rowan

She was up all night. She'd lined her textbooks up on the kitchen table and settled in after changing into sweatpants and an old t-shirt.

Her notebooks stared blankly back at her, and as the hours dragged on she began to find it increasingly difficult to concentrate.

But the first exams were the following day, so she downed a cup of coffee and tried to return her focus to the endless pages of literature and art form before her.

The coffee didn't have the desired effect, and within the hour her eyes began to droop. From somewhere in her mind she felt herself slipping closer and closer to the table.

Damn it.

•••

It was the sun that woke her up the next morning. The clouds from the previous day had cleared up, and rays of blinding light flashed off of the metal refrigerator. She squinted her eyes against the sudden brightness.

She'd managed to shove most of her papers off of the table while she slept, and she grumbled sleepily as she gathered them up.

Falling asleep had not been part of the plan, and she was not prepared whatsoever for the exams taking place that morning.

Or any morning.

She made quick work of her outfit, slipping on her usual worn jeans, tribal cardigan, and oxfords. Her brown hair fell in haphazard waves around her shoulders, and she quickly gave up on trying to smooth it out.

As she worked through her morning ritual, she found her thoughts shifting to Caden. It was frustrating, because although he was no longer in the picture he still dominated the way she saw herself.

It had always been that her hair was too messy. Her clothes didn't match. She hadn't bothered putting on any makeup. She'd put on too much. Eventually it began to sink in that there was always going to be something wrong with her in his eyes.

She reveled in her newfound freedom, though shadows of doubt still lingered in her mind.

What if he was right?

But no, she'd already decided not to think about him. He had treated her terribly for years, and she'd finally gotten the nerve to break things off. She was ready to move on in her life.

So why was it so hard to let go of that need for him to approve? To have anyone approve?

With these thoughts in her mind, she grabbed her backpack from her bedroom and tried her best to stop overanalyzing everything.

Pulling the door to her apartment shut behind her, she turned the key in the lock. Satisfied by the answering click, she set off towards the university.

She walked everywhere she went. She didn't have a car, and it was easy enough to catch a bus to any location out of walking distance.

As it was, it had been difficult to reassure herself that she could afford to go to school. Adding a car to the list of things she needed money for was something she'd finally decided to avoid for the time being.

And she really didn't mind. It had forced her to see parts of town that she may have otherwise missed. Like the cafe.

She'd learned early on what places had good food, what places were good to draw in, and what places offered a quiet sanctuary away from the many students living in the neighborhood.

The university came into view ahead of her, and she steeled herself against the coming day.

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