Welcome to Envy Park

No Comment Mode

Okay, to be fair, it wasn't just Arabella. It was like my decision to move years ago also involved me putting a sign over my head that said "Project Your Regrets Onto Me." I tried to remove these people from my life, but at least one would remain, anywhere. The person who would say I was wrong for staying/going, that I should be going/staying, that I couldn't stay/go for the rest of my life, that I should decide to go/stay now before it was too late.

These people just couldn't be happy for someone who was enjoying herself.

And yet I had to remain polite, so when I encountered these people, I went into "no comment" mode, or close to it. I lied.

My jaw was numb from all the lies, by the end of dinner.

Arabella didn't let up the interrogation about my life and future plans, so I just kept saying things to close the topic. But she kept coming back.

They weren't major lies; mostly just me saying "nothing" when there actually was a "something." Except the "something" was going to lead to more questions, so I just didn't say it. The lies weren't going to hurt her, and I convinced myself that she deserved them for being so nosy about my business.

I had a plan, all right? I didn't need to share it with everyone. And the lack of sharing didn't give anyone the right to make one for me.

Maybe I shouldn't have told people I was staying longer this time.

When I started walking back to my building, it was near midnight, and being annoyed at Arabella's questions gave me excess energy. So I went to the gym.

And Ethan was there.

Only the two of us were apparently crazy enough to use the facilities at that hour, but I wasn't complaining. I waved hello but skipped the small talk and went straight for the treadmill.

Maybe a more ambitious run this time. I set it for a course that would simulate a jog up three hills in thirty minutes. And then I started running.

My heart was beating fast and hopefully in a healthy way as I made it up the first "hill," and I felt great. No, not great -- I felt pumped.

Because I might actually have been angry, a little.

What made Arabella think we had that kind of friendship? I was nothing but professional when we worked together, never even talked to her about the guys I liked or the dates I went on. Never asked her for work advice, even; the day she found out I was leaving the company was the day I handed her my resignation letter.

You don't have the right to project your regrets onto me.

I ran on adrenaline for the rest of my workout.

"...want to grab something?" Ethan was saying.

"What?" I was breathless as I neared the end of my run, but I felt wonderful. I could have taken on another hill. I was ready to do stuff. "A drink please? Yes."