Welcome to Envy Park

9J

When Ethan and I got back to Tower 3 from post-gym dinner, we'd ride the elevator together. He would always go in on my right side, and then he'd be on my left when we turned around to watch the floors light up. When it came up to the ninth floor, he would turn slightly to his right, toward me, and give a slight, polite nod. Then he would step out onto his floor.

So after kebabs, same thing. My mind was busy, I had to admit, still going over the interview and the many other things I could have said. Should have said. Still kicking myself over the inability to articulate my plan in a way that other people could understand. Was it me? Or everyone else? Maybe it was me.

I almost missed it when the elevator reached the ninth floor -- and Ethan didn't step out. I didn't catch if he looked at me, or nodded, or did anything else. The next thing I knew, the doors were closing, and the steel box slid up to tenth, and he was still inside.

Hmm.

Are you lost? Do you need directions? Do you need to borrow something?

Things I could have said, should have said maybe, but was lost in the cloud in my head. Instead, I just started walking. Turned right into the hallway that led to 10J. And he fell into step beside me.

The hallway wasn't very long. But I felt each step.

I'll say something when we get to the door, I told myself. Like, Do you want to come in?

I pushed my key into the lock and then turned to him, about to say whatever, but it was a sentence that immediately disintegrated. He was so close. Just there. I was still trying to get the words back but his lips were already on mine.

I was like, screw words. So I kissed him.

It had been a while, for me. I didn't have time to think about this, didn't plan if I should play it coy, mysterious, or casual. I just -- I kissed him. I went for it. Like a girl who really wanted to be kissed.

And what that led to was my least coordinated kiss ever, a jumble of lips and intentions, each one half a beat out of sync. I wanted to laugh. It was a little funny.

I thought he was about to do just that when he pulled back. Make a joke about this, comment about kebab breath.

But instead he paused, and his hands came up to cradle my face.

"Just let it happen," he said, whispered almost.

Our lips touched again, whisper-light first. A gentle sweep of his tongue and my lips parted, and took, and gave. It was that until it wasn't as gentle, and wasn't as light, and I was straining against him and out of breath. This was nothing to joke about.

This was a great kiss. I didn't want it to end, but we couldn't live with lips fused together. I had to, like, sleep, and eat, and talk again at some point. Not now though. And when it thought it wouldn't get any better, his mouth sort of swooped down and took the last of my conscious thought with it... and then disengaged. So softly that I was aware of it only when I felt the air against my lips again.

The slight breeze came to my face next, because he had let go of my jaw. And then he stepped back, gave a slight, polite nod -- and walked not back to the elevator, but in the other direction, toward the fire exit. His footsteps as he bounded down the stairs echoed in the tenth floor hallway.

All night I thought about him in 9J.