Paper Airplanes (Ereri - SNK)

Waning Sun.

"Eren, I think you need to see a therapist," Mikasa says to me over breakfast a few weeks later.

"What?" I mutter, shoveling in another bite of eggs. "My body works fine."

She pushes her own eggs around her plate, the fork making an irritating squeak against the ceramic. "I don't mean a physical therapist, Eren. I mean..." I raise my brows in question. She sighs. "I care about you, is all. I want you to be healthy."

"Are you blind or something? I'm fine," I insist.

"Physically, sure you are. But not...mentally."

Just as she says this, my teeth come down on my tongue and I hiss in pain. Even after nearly a year without my regenerative abilities, I expect the throbbing to subside almost immediately, but it doesn't. I sigh through my nose.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say stubbornly. I refuse to meet her eyes, because I know the patronizing, all-too concerned look too well, and I don't want to see it.

"Eren..." she mumbles, almost condescendingly. My fist clenches around my fork. "I know you do. I know you've been feeling like hell recently, and the way you've been acting--"

"What way I've been 'acting'?" I snap, finally looking up at her. She leans back a bit, frowning.

"Distant. Sad. And you blink out a lot, like your mind isn't even in the present. I'm scared one day you're going to fade out completely..."

I say nothing. Scrutinize her for a minute, fuming. What does she know? How could she possibly know what's happening in my head? No one knows but me, and I intend to keep it that way.

"Is it because the titans are gone?" she guesses. "You're not the only one of us who doesn't know what to do with himself, you know. We're all a little lost."

"That's not it," I grit through my teeth.

"What about nightmares? You have them. I know you do. Most of us do. PTSD, I heard Hanji call it. You...might be dealing with that."

"Yeah. That's probably it," I say before pushing myself back. The wooden legs of the chair drag noisily across the floor; I pick my tray up, and depart the mess hall as quick as I can. Again, Mikasa's eyes follow me all the way out.

This is what she means about distant, something whispers to me. It's right, but I ignore it as I stride out of HQ.

She can't understand why I've been acting the way I have. Not a single air-breathing soul ever can. They didn't know Levi the way I did, didn't understand him. It isn't that they're over the fact that he's gone, just that they've been able to cope better with the loss of someone they weren't close to. And I haven't. Because he and I...were something different. Something unexplainable that no one could ever understand. He's been in my every waking thought for years...

•♦•

Armin finds me a while later in the training grounds. I've been pacing around it for who knows how long.

"Hey," he says upon approach, stopping me in my tracks.

"Did Mikasa send you to find me?" I ask.

"No, but she is pretty upset you stormed out on her like that."

"Hmph. Whatever. It's not like she's my mom."

"But she is your family, and she cares about you. We all do. And we're worried."

I cross my arms and start walking again; Armin falls into step beside me.

"There's no reason to be worried," I say, but even I'm not convinced.