Paper Airplanes (Ereri - SNK)

Spill.

It took ten less days to get back within the confines of the walls than it did to make it to the ocean, and while no one said it, I know it was due to my breakdown. We left the morning after, and the whole time I could feel one set of concerned eyes or another on me.

It isn't like that was the first time such a thing had happened, though it was the first time it occurred in front of people. Anyone but Thomas, anyway. But what he's witnessed wasn't nearly as bad as that. On the ride back, I'd come down from the outburst and didn't feel the rage and pain as much as I felt embarrassment. I kept quiet the whole time and let them believe I was still in such a state.

Ten days without talking is long, but the first person I speak to is the one I harbored guilt because of before we left.

"I'm sorry," I say, head bowed like a child. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I just snapped, a-and-"

I'm cut off by his hand being placed on my shoulder. My head snaps up to find him smiling warmly at me, and I hate it because I don't deserve it.

"You don't have to be sorry, Eren. In fact, you were right in some of the things you said. I simply thought it might help if you thought someone could identify with the way you're feeling, but it makes sense that no one can ever truly understand what's happening in your mind but you. So I should be the one apologizing. I should be more sensitive. It is part of my job, is it not?" He gives my shoulder a squeeze. "And if you're still feeling trapped and holding it all in so you explode like that, I'm clearly not doing my job the way I should be." He reaches behind him and twists the knob to his office. Holds the door and gestures me inside.

I'm admittedly a bit dumbfounded at first. I came with an apology and the intention of leaving when I'm finished but end up being the one apologized to and invited right back into his office. Even though I don't deserve it...

Still, I step back into the office, sink down into the chair. Watch as he goes around the desk and takes his own seat. That smile never leaves his wrinkled face, and it's beginning to make me uncomfortable. But it isn't like I have the right to say anything.

He starts off simple.

"How was your trip?"

"O-okay, I guess." He raises his ugly brows at me, his own non-verbal way of telling me that isn't enough. So I take a deep breath and tell him. About the mountains and rivers and how absolutely enormous the world outside the walls is, and how I'm certain we haven't seen even a fraction of what all is out there. (Armin's words.) About the ocean.

"Did you draw?" he asks, nodding at the sketchbook in my hand. Wordlessly I offer it to him. He sets it on the desk and begins to flip through. Past the trees and the horse, Armin and Hanji leaning over a map, scribbling. Their faces hadn't come out right, so I'd blurred them out. He continued on through a few others...the mountains, and then to all my failed attempts at the ocean. He asks about them and I reluctantly explain, leaving out everything about wanting to share the scene with Levi. I tell him simply that I wanted to capture it and remember it, but couldn't.

He buys it, but that doesn't stop him from bringing the dreaded part of my outburst up.

"I think we can both agree that what happened during our last meeting needs to be addressed," he says, gently shutting the book.

A lump forms in my throat. No, wrinkle-face, we can't really agree on that. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to have to explain the meaning behind my words. But I fucked up, and now there's nothing I can do about it, no way I can worm my way out of it.

"I think we've already resolved most of the issue, but we both know there is another you brought forward. Despite it having been out of anger, I'm glad you've finally opened up about it." Yeah, like I meant to. "Something tells me it's what's causing a great deal of your emotional pain, no?"