Fall•LH

Chapter One

After another dreaded day of school, I walked through the halls, not observing anything but my feet. They walked quickly past many others and finally brought me home.

My dog, Spencer, was waiting for me in the backyard. I unhooked the latch and slid through the fence. Spencer immediately hopped up on me and rested his paws on my broad shoulders. He looked at me with hope.

I liked to imagine he was telling me something inspirational like, "You're doing great, keep going," or "Don't listen to them, they don't really mean it," but today it felt more like, "I know, I know. Let's just snuggle and forget about everything."

My eyes watered, but I smiled through it- that seemed like the only way to ever stop being glum. That's what I do on a daily basis, because I'm just pessimistic. I'm only human, too.

I hugged Spencer and squeezed my eyes shut. I inhaled his newly washed coat. There was a trace of citrus in his fur. Oranges. That's what it was.

"Oranges. You smell like oranges."

I remembered saying this long ago, but couldn't remember where from.

I let go of Spencer and he padded away into the house. I followed.

I put my key into the rusty lock and after a few jerks, the door surrendered.

"Hi, sweetheart, how was your day?" Mom asked brightly, with a joyous smile.

I hardly glanced at her and slightly smiled. It was all I could manage. "Like every other, Mom." She responded by sighing. She just wanted the best for me, and I knew that. All she ever wanted was for me to be happy.

I walked down to the end of our tiny, tiny house in this tiny, tiny town where everything got around. I patted my thigh and ticked my tongue twice, because I couldn't whistle. Spencer came trotting down the carpeted floor. He shoved his head under my hand and walked with me to my room.

I threw my backpack on my bed and walked to the bathroom to scrub the unbearably itchy makeup off my face and wrists.

My face was now blotchy and red and I felt uneasy and embarrased. That's the only reason I wore makeup. I didn't do it to look pretty, I only did it to make myself look decent. All I wore was BB cream- none of the heavy stuff. I didn't even wear mascara, which is what 99% of girls at school did wear. It was a must for them.

I shuffled back to my room and picked up my pills. I popped two in my mouth and gulped some water down with them.

The roofies had a soupy effect on my mind half an hour later. It felt nice not to have emotions. Not to worry or to just not feel anything at all.

I stumbled from my room to the kitchen, not paying any mind to my footing. I looked at the ground again, to steady myself.

"Oh, sweetie!" Mom rushed over and lightly squeezed my arms. "You took your medication didn't you?" Her voice was genuine. I nodded. She hugged my head to her chest and stroked my hair. I could feel her shake her head as she breathed, "'Right before you sleep,' remember?" Mom sighed again. "That's what the doctor said, angel." Her hot breath moistened my ear and chilled my back. She peeled me off of her and turned me around. "Now you have to go to bed early, you poor thing."

Mom led me to my bed and tucked me in like she used to when I was younger. She looked to the windows begging for less light so I could get to sleep, but I knew the roofies would work that magic themselves.

After she left with Spencer, I got up again and dragged the blankets onto the floor.

I don't deserve my bed.

I pulled down my pillow, but threw it back up.

I don't deserve my pillow.

I ripped my blankets off and threw them to the side.

I don't deserve warmth, I don't deserve anything.

I curled up in a ball and whispered, "Worthless, worthless," until I fell asleep. It occured to me that I could have some sort of immune reaction to the roofies. They made me tired and sloppy for sure, but I had somewhat feelings. Maybe because these somber thoughts have taken up my whole brain, so the part that did come through was just that.

Disconsolate.

...

A/N:
This book isn't all depressing, don't worry, that's just the prologue to get it started. Thanks for reading Fall, I hope you liked the first chap :)