Fall•LH

Chapter Two

Mom occasionally did me the favor of driving down to the Verona High office to pick up make-up work from class and for home. Though, I reserved this only for days I was really unable to pull in all my energy to go to that dreaded place. Which was actually more constant than "occasional," but other times I felt guilty for sending Mom down.

So today that guilt powered me to go even if I could predict exactly how it would feel when I arrived. How I would feel being the nonexistent nothingness that nobody wanted to be near, but not as simple as air. It was as if I were more of an airborne disease more than the plain air they begged for with every breath.

How I would be forced around the booming chortles shared among others, while nothing ever seemed to amuse me, feeling more and more outcast as the days went by, wearing on further and further until I could not stand. It seemed like I was thrown into a foreign country without notice.

I needed these breaks. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for these brief pauses in hectic times. The school board is hesitant. So is Mom. She truly wanted me to thrive in the education she imagined for me from the moment she first cradled me in her arms.

Tutors and private teachers were provided all throughout elementary and junior high. Recommendations for high-standard colleges were suggested monthly. She wanted to build me up to be stronger than most of my "competitors" but I failed her.

I requested to have all the extra lessons stopped at once as I entered Verona. After many days of continuous arguments, Mom broke down. She admitted it was my life that I was choosing for myself and she would respect that. She promised to support me from then on (about logical decisions) and I loved her for that. It seemed like she was the only one who truly understood and accepted me.

Still, I could sense that she was tired of taking time off of work in the middle of the day to deliver papers that she felt would only confuse me more, for the reason that I was not present for the day lesson. Still she went through with it. And I could not think of the strength she had to go through to pull herself to not be a overpowering leader, but an understanding friend that stood beside me.

The favor climbed it's way out of my mouth early in the morning on Friday. Mom was just kissing me goodbye to me as she clutched her purse and coat in her hands. It blurted out before she reached the door to leave.

She let out a big sigh as her shoulders slumped. I could see her trying to compose her frustration before she turned around and let me know that she would try.

"But, Sweetie. I cannot continue doing this. I could be fired from my job from leaving in the middle of the day, and come back hours later to try to pick up where I left off. I have patients that need care. If I'm not there for them another doctor will take my place and we would suffer from that. We need this money. Honey, please. you must understand this."

I nodded, wanting to take my request back. I really hated seeing her like this- helpless when helpful to others.

"I will try though. Baby, I promise. But if I can't get away, I beg that you won't hold it against me."

I gave her a weak smile. I knew she would do her best.

The rest of that morning I read by my window, using the lavender morning light to luminate the pages and give them the illusion of having an iridescent glow from within.

Complete silence took over my room after I turned each page.

I was consumed in the storyline, but my ears perked up when I heard Spencer's distant bark, and at once I didn't have anything on my mind except for making sure he was okay.