Leaning Towards the Sun

Chapter Three

Over the next few days Sasuke experienced more raw emotion than he had in the past two years combined. He felt embarrassed- mortified beyondbelief- about what he'd been about to say; he felt relieved that he'd been stopped. He was disappointed, he was devastated, he was angry, to have been robbed of the chance to get what he wanted. He was happy, because now nothing would have to change. And he was anxious, and frightened, because everything had changed.

Itachi found him curled up in a ball sobbing into his sheets like a baby, and his brother sat next to him and spoke softly to him, petting his hair, until he calmed down. And then Sasuke told him everything, just let it all out, the depth of his feelings for Naruto, his agony at being rejected. Once he was done Itachi nodded, and simply said how glad he was, that Sasuke had fallen for such a kind, decent person.

Was it kind and decent, what Naruto had done? Sasuke couldn't read Naruto the way Naruto could read him. He didn't know if Naruto really did like him back. If he did...why couldn't they be together? Age was just a number, wasn't it?

Several days passed. Sasuke felt like all the energy had been sucked out of him, and all he wanted to do was sleep. He lay wrapped up in his blankets, staring at the ceiling, staring at the wall, staring at the little stuffed cat on his pillow. But eventually, Sasuke felt that it was time to go back to work. He didn't feel ready to face Naruto, to look him in the eye...but he missed him. He missed the kids, and the other staff. The life and light of the centre had become something that Sasuke needed, and without it, he might go back to drifting. No, that wouldn't do, not at all.

***

So Sasuke called the centre and told Shizune-sensei that he would be back the next day, after his morning classes. When he arrived, he snuck in the door quietly, relieved that it was lunch time, and all the children were at the table and couldn't mob him. He took a deep breath, made sure he wasn't blushing, forced himself to smile, and walked into the lunch room to say hi.

"Sasuke-sensei!!" came the inevitable outcry from the thirty-or-so chibis around the table, and several pieces of food went flying as forks and spoons were waved around in greeting. Sasuke's plastered-on smile became genuine, and he waved back and came into the room properly.

"Did you miss me?" he said to them as he perched on a spare, tiny chair, automatically slipping into work-mode and placing bits of apple and sandwich back on plates.

"Sensei, I drew you a picture!" one chibi announced; "I learnt how to write your name!" declared another.

"Are you feeling better?" Ayame-sensei asked, placing a sandwich in front of him on the table. "Don't work too hard, if you're not feeling up to it!"

Sasuke smiled at her and examined the sandwich in front of him- tomato and cheese. "I'm fine," he said, and he wondered if it were true. He stole a glance down the table and found Naruto grinning at him and chatting with the kids around him, and he spun back around and grabbed his sandwich, bringing it to his mouth to cover up his blush.

He could do this. Naruto hadn't let him say anything that night. So even if Naruto thought he knew what Sasuke was about to confess, Sasuke hadn't actually confessed anything. So, things could go back to normal, right? Right.

After lunch there were several loads of laundry and a huge list of miscellaneous chores to get done, and after that there were hordes of post-nap children demanding his attention. And so the time passed quickly, and it looked like Sasuke could get through the day without actually having to speak to Naruto directly. And yet, his awareness of the hyperactive blonde seemed even more intense than usual. Sasuke tensed up when Naruto came into whatever room he was in, and only relaxed when he left. The sound of his voice sent chills down his spine. His laughter set off a wave of butterflies in his stomach.