I nervously fiddled with the hem of my black lace dress. My whole body was skittish as the nervousness reached new heights. As Coach Dixon neared the end of his speech, I hoped that I wouldn't say anything stupid in the upcoming minutes
"Big Guy in the sky please don't let me crack a crude joke in a Church!" I whispered with my eyes shut. I had a tendency to throw out lousy jokes at my moments of nervousness. Today of all days I hoped that I wouldn't. If I did, I'm sure everyone would admit me in to the nearest psychiatric hospital citing my odd way of coping with loss.
Someone nudged me and shook me out of my thoughts. I looked up in my dazed state to see one of Matt's teammates, he looked all too familiar but at this moment I couldn't exactly place his name. Although I don't think he'd mind that I didn't remember his name considering the circumstances.
"He's done already" he whispered to me, smiling at me sympathetically. Regardless of the situation it still bugged me. I had had enough of those smiles to last me a lifetime.
"Oh, thanks" I managed to say before I headed to the podium. Coach Dixon gave me a sad smile before heading back to his pew. As I looked into the massive crowd that had gathered to show their support, I felt a sense of calmness. I spotted a few teary eyes and I almost wished that I had attention to Coach Dixon's speech.
"That was coach Dixon guys" I announced with a nervous chuckle. "Ladies, he is still single; he enjoys long walks on the beach, romantic dates, soccer and failing students!" I added, sounding like one of those people from those telemarketing commercials. The crowd erupted with laughter. "I really don't understand how he's single" I said this time making contact with him and saw him trying hold back a smile. Even though we shared a mutual dislike of each other, I knew he loved my sarcasm.
"I'm sorry guys, but you'll have to bear with my lousy jokes for the next few minutes." I say clearly into the mic, feeling the previous apprehensiveness quickly disappear. I had hundreds of eyes fixated on me, holding the same despair and pain that I'm sure mine held, despite the smile I had forcibly plastered on. "Get comfy because this will probably be one the longest eulogies you'll ever hear!"
It hadn't hit me until then that the casket behind me held the man who had affected every single person he'd met. That it contained Matthew Anderson, beloved son, incredibly skilled athlete and the keeper of my heart.
I gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat and blinked away the tears in my eyes. I cleared my throat as I looked down at the index cards in my hand. I don't know why I even had them, I didn't need them for I had every word etched into memory.
"Matthew Anderson was quiet the character" I began. "I knew that when I first met him." I said recounting the story of our meeting for those that had gathered in his memory. " I was the new girl who had just transferred to Springfield High. I was being shown around by one of the best students at the time" I locked my eyes with the beautiful blonde in the first row. "At the time she was giving me a tour of the Panthers' stadium, rambling on and on about their achievements. Not that I was paying attention" I saw a bunch of smiles appear.
"That is until I was hit in the head with a soccer ball" the smiles grew wider as some snickered. "When I turned around to see who had hit me, I saw a brown haired blue eyed boy approaching Paris and I. He had and aura of greatness. His pores oozed cockiness, and on his face he had a bashful smile" I recounted trying my best not to let any tears out.
" I immediately disliked him. I demanded that he apologize. But he ever so gracefully declined. He turned to me, seriousness etched onto his features and said, ' Why should I apologize, you should!' I was appalled to say the least. He'd hit me on the head and asked me to apologize! When I asked him why, he flashed me one of his megawatt smiles and said 'It's your fault, you nearly blinded me with your beauty!'" The audience started to laugh.
"I knew he was an oddball when he pursued me relentlessly for the next four years. When I finally agreed to go out with him 'for one night and one night only'" I continued remembering what I had once said to him. "He took me to the school dance and then halfway through the night he informed me that he couldn't even dance" I let out a chuckle as everyone else went into another round of laughter. "That definitely surprised me because I thought soccer players would be graceful" I added quickly.
I took a moment for everyone to re-collect themselves. "But what I didn't know is that I would fall head-over-heels in love with him. And I definitely didn't know that in a few short years, I'd be reading an eulogy for him." My voice finally faltered and quivered at the end. The tears that I had tried to repress emerged and flowed freely as I furiously wiped them with the back of my hand.
My voice was shaking as I started again. I looked out again into the crowd and discovered that I wasn't the only one crying. " Matt was perhaps the closest thing to perfection in my eyes. He always but others before himself, whether it was his team or even a complete stranger.He was extremely compassionate. He was gifted with not only with his looks and talent but also his ability to have anyone within a 1 mile radius burst into fits of laughter. But the greatest part of him was his heart."
I let out a heavy sigh before I went on. "His heart was bigger than the average person. And with it he loved. He loved his family, friends, soccer and even his enemies. But most of all he loved me." Again my voice faltered but I wanted more than anything to finish this.
"He loved me unconditionally. He loved me despite my flaws and shortcomings. He loved me for who I was, which was at the time, Hobo Lo" I looked over to where Colt -the one who had coined the nickname- was sitting and shot him a quick smile. "He loved every scarred, broken and jagged piece of me. Matt taught me what unconditional love was and for that I am eternally grateful."
"Mattie," a smile made its way to my face as I remembered his much disliked nickname, "transformed me from Hobo Lo to Mrs. Lauren Anderson" The crowd before me collectively gasped. I let out a small laugh, " Although I'm not sure if any institution accepts vows written on Johnny Rockets' napkins as legally binding papers." A look of relief passed on many faces.
"Regardless, I'm sure the Big Guy up there" I pointed upwards, "Sees us as a married couple. Originally we really were going to tie the knot in front if our family and friends. But one the morning of the day we were due in Civil Court, the doctors had told us that they thought he could be taken in for surgery and finally end his fight with cancer. We were both terrified about the small chance that he wouldn't make it out of surgery. Matt turned around to me and said 'It's now or never.' i thought he was talking about the surgery but instead he grabbed a napkin and insisted that he wanted to be married before he entered the O.R. On the afternoon of November 18, I became his and he became mine; together forever until the end of time. I said wistfully. " Or rather the end of his" I added dryly.
I put down the index cards in my hands and gripped onto the sides of the podium."Mattie, what I want you to know is that you are the keeper of my heart until we are re-united. That my heart will beat for you until it stops beating" I said quietly as I began trembling from holding in everything for so long.
I took one last deep breath before I addressed the crowd before me. "Matt had in one way or another touched everyone in here today. I am incredibly grateful for all the support you have given not only the Anderson family but also his friends. He was a man of many things and I am glad that I had the chance to not only meet him but to also fall in love with him. I wish to leave you all with what Matt said that night. He said that he will always be here" i said as I patted my heart. "Matt will always be in our minds, hearts, and souls. Thank You" I said as I excused myself and bolted out the doors.
