Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Stupidly at Your Screen

Top Ten...

*Just to take a little break from normal quotes, I've decided to make a chapter dedicated only to top ten lists. I can't take the credit for most of these, I just found them on Instagram or something and typed them out. Tell me what you think!*

P.S. The lists aren't in order in anyway... meaning, the first thing isn't necessarily the best. Also, they aren't all "top" ten, just lists of ten.

∞Ten Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator∞

1. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

2. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you admiral.

3. "Meow" occasionally

4. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then point and slowly back away saying, in horror, "You're one of them!"

5. Make "DING!" noises at each floor.

6. Make explosion noises whenever someone presses a button.

7. Draw a small square around yourself on the floor and announce "this is my personal space."

8. When there's only one person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

9. Drop a pen and when someone reaches down to pick it up, scream "THAT'S MINE!"

10. Call out a "Group Hug" and enforce it.

∞Ten Questions to Annoy Your Friends∞

1. If Mars had earthquakes, would they be called Marsquakes?

2. When lightning strikes the ocean, why don't all the fish de?

3. If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell?

4. Can you cry underwater?

5. Does the postman deliver his own mail?

6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not the freezer?

7. Can crop circles be square?

8. Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

9. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

10. How come lemon washing liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings?

∞Ten Most Common Lies∞

1. I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions

2. I'm fine

3. I'm just kidding

4. I won't laugh, promise

5. My parents said no

6. Your table will be ready in a few minutes

7. You'll need to know this later in life

8. Just one more [episode/game/chapter/page]

9. I didn't get your [call/text]

10. I'm sorry

∞Ten Reasons Why English Makes No Sense∞

1. We play and recitals and recite at plays, we drive in parkways and park in driveways

2. We have noses that run and feet that smell

3. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger

4. Writers write, but grocers don't groce, hammers don't ham, and fingers don't fing

5. Neither pine nor apple have anything to do with pineapple

6. A slim chance and a fat chance are the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites

7. An alarm goes on to go off, and you fill in a form by filling it out

8. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

9. Boxing rings are square

10. Quick sand can work slowly

∞Ten Things to Do in a Movie Theater∞

1. Tape 'reserved' signs on all of the seats before the movie starts

2. Gasp every time there's a swear

3. During a love scene, cover up a random person's eyes

4. Every time something crazy happens in the movie, turn to the person next to you and say "Did you see that?!"

5. As the credits roll and people start to leave yell, "No! Everyone! Don't Go! There is Something After the Credits!" After the credits roll and there is nothing say "Just Kidding!" Then run out giggling

6. Ask a random person to explain the movie because you don't get it

7. Laugh very loudly during a serious part of the movie

8. Bring a laser pointer and make it dance around the screen

9. Yell out to the screen, "Don't do it!"

10. Ask if you can get your ticket for half price, as you will be leaving halfway through the movie

∞Top Ten Things to Do in Walmart∞

1. Go into a dressing room stall, and, after a few minutes, yell "There's no toilet paper in here!"

2. Go up to an employee and say in an official tone "Code three in house ware," and see what happens

3. While walking around alone, pretend you are having a very serious talk with someone

4. Dress up in a trench coat and wear sunglasses. Then walk up to a random person and say "the rooster is in the nest." After they reply, quietly say "use this wisely," and hand them a cap gun

5. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends to turn them all on at the same time and pretend to conduct them

6. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live!"

7. Set the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

8. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras

9. Go to the Star Wars section and, while holding up a Luke Skywalker figure, say "Luke... I am your father," while making breathing noises in your Darth Vader mask

10. Look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"