Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 75

I sit with the staff for Suhoor, wanting to clear my head after my conversation with Azar. I don't mean to avoid him, but I can feel the hesitance in his body language like I have put him in a dilemma about something I cannot even word. I wish I wasn't so perceptive and aware of him, but I am. It makes everything too harder.

He left the choice up to me. All is up to me. I do not know how to handle this freedom, this power.

I try to shut away the thoughts, but sitting far away has triggered them even more. I don't understand, but I remind myself of Allah as Azar did. All will be well In Sha Allah. I just need to breathe and take it slow. Allah will take me to what is best for me like He always has.

I snap out of my thoughts when Huda comes up to me. "Are you mad at me?" I am taken aback by her question.

"What? No, dear," I softly tell her. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know," she answers in a small voice. "Why are you not eating with us?"

"I..." I can feel Azar's eyes on me, but I am determined to not look up. "I just wanted to talk to the staff. That's all. You can go. I'll be there in a minute," I gently explain to her, but she still looks sad, so I scoop her up in my lap and give her a kiss.

She giggles and then heads back to her table. I look at the staff, and they smile back at me. "You are spoiling them," the warden comments.

"Ah, I guess they deserve to be spoilt a bit," I oppose. As Huda joins her table, I notice Asif fidgeting with his food. The sight reminds me of his request for Eid. I turn to Ms. Neela and say, "Ms. Neela, I wanted to ask you if we can go visit Asif's father on Eid."

"Yes, of course," she approves. "Thank you for reminding me. I'll call the hospital about the visit."

I try not to look anxious as I walk back to the children's table. The kids make space for me such that I have to sit next to Azar. I sigh internally at how crazy my heart is and then sit down.

"Do you know how to braid hair?" Fatima asks Azar out of the blue.

He looks caught off guard by her question. "No, but I can learn."

"Abee, can you teach Bhai how to braid on Eid? I want to show Amir that men can braid too." She looks over at Amir, and he scowls in return.

"Yeah okay," I agree because I don't want to upset her, and it is a reasonable request.

"What about Mehndi?" Wafa asks, and I am vividly reminded of my ceremony. Azar in a green sherwani, the rose.

I push away the thoughts as if afraid Azar could read them. "I think that might be difficult to teach him," I respond. "It takes practice."

I feel relieved to be away from the table as I put away my plate, but then Azar comes up to me. When the kids are out of earshot, he says, "We forgot to get the Mehndi cones."

"Yeah, it totally slipped my mind," I say to him, glancing over at the girls.

"I'll get them tomorrow. How many should I buy?" He inquires, a bit embarrassed about his question.

"I think three cones would suffice," I answer, and we walk towards the dorms as we speak.

"What if I mess up her hair for Eid?" He asks, the panic apparent in his voice.

"You won't," I reassure him despite my urge to tease him about it. "You just need a bit of practice. I'll show you. Don't worry."

"Okay," he exhales, holding to every word of mine. "Just promise me you'll redo it if I mess up something. I don't want them to be upset on Eid," he adds at the end.