Show me the light (Niam/Ziall)

Chapter 1. 'Your soul is haunting me'

                        The sun shined through my window bright in the morning. I groaned and sat up looking at my arm that I was sleeping on. Cuts up and down it. One for each time I think of you. You always pop in my mind. I can't help it. Soon enough the cuts will get too deep and i'll meet you again. I'll see you again. I sighed loudly and walked to the bathroom. I though of you again babe.. I'm sorry.

                      I grabbed my tiny blade that was by the sink and cut from my elbow and down. Watching as the blood dripped onto the floor. Every drop showing my life draining away. All because of you. Are you happy? Is this how you felt? Is this how you felt when you died? I let my arm drop and the drops of blood dropped from arm to my fingertips to the floor. What if you don't love me anymore? Every morning, this happens. I talk in my head as if he's listening but he's not. No one is. No one cares anymore. Everyone left me.

                              I never break promises, but they say this one needs to be broken. But I can't let go. No one.. No one understood us. They never understood what was so funny when we laughed, or what was so amazing when we looked into each other's eyes. No one can be like us. They just didn't understand anything. Anything about you and I, Zayn. It was you and me. We didn't care about what people though of, did we? Ha, no we didn't. But now you're gone. And i'm stuck here wishing you to come back or save me and I know it's not gonna happen. They say it's silly to hang on something that's dead, but to me. I'm hanging on to my heart. I can't forget, I won't forget. Zayn, you were my everything. I can't even start with how much I loved you. I looked at my arm and it was still bleeding but barely.

                         I put the blade down and shuffled to the living and to the front door. I'm just gonna get the mail. Usually all I have is bills. But I have nothing better to do than feel sorry for myself. I walked down the apartment stairs slowly while hiding my arm behind my back from people who were walking up. I was only in my sweat pants but I could care less. Zayn and I used to always race each other to get the mail. He would always win because I can't run worth shit. So then he carried me and we just laughed and got odd looks. But we didn't care.. Well I didn't care. But he did. That's why he's not here anymore. He let the haters in and look where that him.. And it's my fault I let the haters talk to him like that. It's my fault they called him a fag, a ass, a devil..

                  They just didn't know Zayn. They didn't know the real Zayn who used to hide his love for guys. Who only came out for me. To be with me. The Zayn I know risked everything to be what he was. And what happens? He gets hated for it.. Like any other gay man in the world, but Zayn took it to heart because he risked everything. And I mean everything. His family gave up on him because he loved me. It's just. It's all my fault.

                      I finally got to the mail box and there was a lad next to my mail box trying to open his. He must be new or some shit. I slowly walked to mine and got my mail. When the lad opened his mail box he almost fell. He didn't have any mail.. I think he was just trying to see how to open it. I slowly looked at the lad. He was quiet tall, brown hair and amazing eyes. I bit my lip as I looked at my mail quickly. Bills, Bills, bills and a letter from Greg. I stuffed the mail in my sweat pants pocket and closed the box. The lad with the brown eyes jumped when I closed it.

                   "Sorry" I mumbled. When I talked it was very quiet as if I was whispering. "It's fine mate" he laughed sweetly. "I'm just very jumpy this morning I guess. I watched the most weirdest scary movie last night" the lad shrugged. "Well maybe you shouldn't watch scary movies before you go to bed" I said in a whisper again. "I guess so" he laughed again. I started to walk away and the guy with the brown eyes was walking with me. Maybe he's lost. When Zayn was new to the school he kept following me around because he was lost. It was quiet funny actually. He followed me all day til I got onto the bus. He never did talk to me that day though but I heard him talk once.